Sensousness in Every Moment

I'm sitting in the library, enjoying a cold Tuesday in California, and this is what's on my mind - Sensuousness.

Here's the definition I use for sensuousness (taken from The Free Dictionary

"Highly appreciative of the pleasures of sensation."

This library has a soft yellow tone across the walls, floors, and the faces of the people around me. The yellow comes from the buzzing florescent bulbs overhead, evenly spaced across the ceiling. The columns of the library's structure are painted purple, which gives a bright contrast to the yellow - though even these walls are subject to the cast of florescent light.

What does it mean to see? What is it to see color?

In contemplating the idea of beauty, I'm tempted to ask why certain wavelengths of visible light would be considered more "beautiful" in certain arrangements than other wavelengths. How radical that there is even a wavelength at all. A vibration hits my retina creating the visual sense. The amount of wiggle in this vibration is defined in terms of wavelength, frequency, etc. Light is wiggling my retina. This is sensuousness - the joy of being wiggled.

Every moment, my senses are attentive. Input is being received and processed. The sound of my fingers clicking keys on my keyboard ride over the soft sounds of librarians voices, swiping bar-codes on the library checkout machines, a photocopy machine making rhythmic sweeps behind me.

I open my senses - panoramic. Dropping the specifics, I tune into the pleasure of sensing in and of itself. This sensing is every moment. This sensing is a dazzling symphony of sensory changes.

As humans, most of us are aware that each moment of our life is never to be repeated. Each moment is "the moment of a lifetime." Each is unique, fleeting, and never to come again. And yet, with each passing moment, we are still "here," it is still "now." How do we spend these moments?

What are you doing right now? I'm typing on my keyboard, listening softly to the sounds around me. Whatever it is that we may be doing... right now sensuousness is available. The pleasure of sensing itself, which is the pleasure of actuality. The pleasure of being a sensate being in intimacy with our physical surroundings.

Sensuousness is intimacy, and sensuousness is the window into the perfection of this universe. Sensuousness is what makes the actuality of this physical universe so ultimately satisfying. Sensuousness can't be imagined, and can't be found in any fantasy. It is only available here and now... but in this very moment it is available in abundance.

Enjoy your holidays.

- Daniel

A Bias Toward The Facts

I've come to a thrilling conclusion which may be reflected in my blog writing from now on and perhaps in my personality as well. The conclusion I've come to is a clear and unequivocal preference for... the facts. (Ah, it's nice to say.)

I know that Albert Einstein was quoted as saying “imagination is more important than knowledge,” and I am now clearly standing up to say “not for me, it isn't.” This may come as a surprise to some who know me because that used to be one of my favorite quotes. And, perhaps if one wants to win the Nobel prize for theoretical physics, then maybe “imagination is more important than knowledge.” I'm not interested in winning any prizes for my theories however, so I will stick to the facts.

So far what my experience shows is that for the sake of living a happy and harmonious life, for living peacefully with myself and with others, and for living in this world with some degree of sense and sensibility, then facts are most important and imagination is not even useful. Wow. I said it. And that's a fact.

To introduce my bias more formally, I will refer to that excellent resource – the dictionary - to elaborate a bit.

Fact (dictionary.com) 
 /fækt/
–noun
1. something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact.

2. something known to exist or to have happened: Space travel is now a fact.

3. a truth known by actual experience or observation; something known to be true: Scientists gather facts about plant growth.

Facts have many advantages, given that they exist regardless of our opinions, beliefs, theories, and stances on them. What a relief it is to discover something so dependable. A fact is indisputable given that it is so easily confirmed through one's sensory experience. What a relief to discover such consistency. And, a fact is nothing personal, so there's no need to take offense.

One of the most challenging facts for a human being, is the fact of our own mortality. We are all going to die. But, look... it's dependable, it's consistent, it's indisputable, and bottom line... it's nothing personal. Hmmm...

Here's another fact:

Two-hundred and fifty million year-old bacteria, Bacillus permians, were revived from stasis after being found in sodium chloride crystals in a cavern in New Mexico... it is the oldest living thing ever recorded.

A Great Basin Bristlecone Pine (Pinus longaeva) called Prometheus was measured by ring count at 4,862 years old when it was felled in 1964. This is the greatest verified age for any living organism at the time of its killing.

- wikipedia

Certainly, the facts will continue to make an appearance here on this blog as I continue to explore this whole business called being alive. I invite you to join me in welcoming the facts, and perhaps we can explore together. What a wonder it is to be alive. Yet, there it is, a plain fact, as plain as day... we are alive now. And, there's no arguing that.

Cushion Report: November Noting Practice

I spent the last few days on meditation retreat at home with the intention to do rigorous noting practice (vipassana) morning to night with a bigger picture goal of trying to solve this human condition I find myself in. This is an edited report of what I experienced and some things I noticed in the practice. Hopefully it may be of some use to someone out there reading it, or if you have a comment to add, please let me know.

With regards to the noting practice specifically, I was inspired a phrase I read recently: “keep going with this single-minded no-brains-required noting task,” from a meditation teacher named Tarin. After reading that, I decided to try a dumbed-down noting practice... to really suck all the brains out of it, so to speak... just to see what would happen. I liked the initial results and decided to give it a test run on a three-day retreat.

My formal noting practice moves incredibly slow, as I find the actual skill of creating verbal notes in my mind to be one which probably must be developed like a muscle. I would say that I was able to note at a rate of about 1-2 notes per second for about 60% of the day on day 1. That number fell to about 30% of the day on day 2, and about 40% of the day on day 3. The rate never went much slower than 1-2 per second, unless I got restless, tense, or stressed in which case I would lose focus so much that I would slow down as much as to 1 per 10 minutes or so. But, luckily my actualism practice has really cut back the amount of time I spend being restless, tense or stressed. And, that enabled me to enjoy the process enough to be able to maintain this more rapid noting pace (1-2 per second). Any attempt to go faster than 2 per second usually resulted in a blur where I would again lose focus and my noting would have no correlation to what was actually being experienced.

That was for what I might call my “formal” or “conscious” noting practice. Now, also in the “background” so to speak, I was often noticing at a rate of perhaps 10-20 per second. And what I mean by that is that, given all the mindfulness training I've already done, my mind sometimes automatically becomes mindful of experience at a very rapid pace. But, I could hardly say that “I was noting.” It seems more accurate to say that experience arises and I notice it with some clarity and precision at a rate of about 10-20 notices per second. Perhaps I could call this “noticing” practice. This is more of a background, and automatic awareness practice that seems like a blend of Goenka and a lot of the other awareness stuff I've done in the past.

Overall, it still seems to me that the most effective vipassana practice that I've done so far isn't noting or body-scanning, but more along the lines of what Christopher Titmuss taught when I was on retreat with him, and that was to take a genuine interest in what's happening right now. I say this, because I try to really inquire what is working here and what isn't? What is the actual vipassana technique? How can I actually get Vipassana to work full-time – and not have it occasionally become some lifeless task?

I think it comes back to sincerity again. Vipassana seems to be a certain blend of awareness and involvement which leads to the moment in which experience is just seen for what it is – completely, and clearly. And, it seems that getting that blend just right is a matter of sincerity more than a matter of technique. I could be wrong, I suppose, but I just can't seem to figure it out any other way. To put this into context, I'd say rather than I was noting 60% of the day on day 1, it'd be more accurate that perhaps I had a sincere alignment with Vipassana for 60% of the day on day 1. Make sense?

Overall, my experience is that the noting technique is useful, perhaps even more so than body-scanning, but the biggest barrier to success doesn't seem to lie in which technique is used, but the barrier to success is in actually doing the technique. That is still the greatest mystery for me... how to actually do the doing of the technique? Or, how to do the doing of the practice? I find it incredibly frustrating, and also somewhat fascinating in it's mystery. Right now, it seems that I just seem to go through some kind of natural cycle where all of a sudden, things align and boom... I'm actually doing the technique... and then all of a sudden boom... it's gone and I'm just trying to do the technique. And, then I try and try and try and nothing works and then all of a sudden boom... I'm doing it.... and then boom... I'm not doing it. What I would love is to be able to just turn it on, let it go and do the thing until it's done. But, I haven't yet discovered how to do that. Maybe I'm way off here.

Regarding the fruit of the practice, I'm still uncertain as to what exactly the effect is on my psyche. Clearly this practice brings awareness and dispels illusions. Both of those are most welcome. Clearly the awareness gained leads to greater sensibility. But, what's still unclear for me is with regards to the human condition within myself (fear, misery, anger, malice, greed, hatred, delusion, etc.). Does this practice lead to freedom from the human condition via dis-identification with impermanent phenomenon, and therefore to take the juice out of fear, misery, anger, malice, etc.? Or does it actually bring these phenomenon to an end, such that they no longer arise? I'd prefer the later. The inquiry for me continues not just into what is it that makes vipassana work?... but also what does vipassana do? And for that matter all other kinds of meditation, etc. Whatever the results, I'm quite throughly enjoying the journey and the process of discovery as it continues to unfold.

As a side note, I can see how concentration (the act of focusing on a given task) is crucial for success in any of these endeavors. Without being able to stay with the task at hand, I doubt success would be possible. My practice over the last few days shows me once again that concentration can lead to an incredible quality of mind. The mind becomes cleaner, quieter, more penetrating, more peaceful, happier, blissful even, and more capable of intelligence and discernment with whatever task is presented.

Also, a concentrated mind seems to have the ability to produce some pretty altered states of consciousness, and the associated delusions with those states of consciousness. Perhaps another way to put it seems concentration can bring a much greater sense of realism to the imagination. An ordinary imagination becomes a vivid 3-D full body fantasy with some strong concentration. And, an ordinary passion becomes a vivid mind-blowing ecstatic passion with strong concentration. So, concentration seems to have more of an intensifying effect which may or may not be helpful depending on how it is used.

The ordinary every day concentration born of sincere interest and genuine intent seems sufficient for most inquiry, but the power of a strongly concentrated mind can't be denied either. And, that seems to be the kind of thing that is only generated through some amount of sustained practice (like on retreat).

Still, the burning inside of me to know, to discover, to inquire, to get to the bottom of this, and to get it done... well... that's still there. It hasn't gone anywhere, although I think I could gladly say that some of the emotional stress and conflict over this expedition has lessened – making it both more enjoyable and more functional.

What to do with my time? I haven't been meditating as much lately, and this is actually the first meditation retreat I've done in a while now. I mostly have been doing meditation practice as an eyes-open thing throughout the day, or in bed at night and in the morning. I'm still re-evaluating the usefulness of retreat time, and if I spend more time with eyes-open practice and less time on the cushion, it will definitely open up the question... what to do with my time?

I guess I'm still discovering the answer to that question. Whatever the case, it is certainly a joy to be alive on this planet, isn't it?

Return of the Outdoorsman

Rugged and rough... beard like a grizzly... I'm getting wild out here with some California living.

Photos are now posted from my backpacking trip to Big Sur online here.

I haven't written in a while, but for the last few weeks I've been enjoying the perks of living on planet Earth. I went surfing twice now, as well as a backpacking trip down the coast.

It's hard to live in Santa Cruz county and not be tempted to jump in the salty cold ocean once in a while. Getting on a board again after probably 9 years of no surfing brought back some good memories. There is something magical about dunking my head underwater, hearing the rush of water fill my ears, and feeling the blast of cold on my face. Then, lifting my head, shaking the water off and breathing deeply as I gaze out at the rock cliffs surrounding me. Sitting atop a board as the slow unbroken waves pass underneath, the rhythm of rising and falling, I don't have to think about much of anything. I just smile like a child, floating, floating, floating.

The first surf session was mellow. Kids half my height were learning on the close shore breaks. My long time friend, Lori, was really trying to get me stoked on the thrill of surfing again, but still I think the best part was just the water. Being wet is really fun - wet salty hair, wet splashes on my faces, wet eyebrows even. The surfing was fun too, and standing on top of a surge of water while traveling in to shore almost makes me giggle.

I bought a wetsuit a couple days later, and then was back out - this time at Manresa state beach. The waves were head-high, and the air was cold. The crisp sounds of pounding waves on sand were a constant background for adventure. I got pummeled by a few waves, tossed around much less elegantly than the first trip out. After catching a couple waves, I stumbled back to shore out of breath and with a frigid headache. Even being beaten by the onslaught of a vast ocean brings such a fullness to being alive. The senses of the body become alert to the pressures and pushes across every inch of skin. I returned to the parking lot for the post-surf ritual of squeezing out of the wetsuit and into a fresh, dry towel. The salt dried into my hair leaving a sticky residue. The car had a noticeable stillness to it when compared with the tumbles of the ocean.

Alexandra, who joined me for the second surf session, was also my companion for a trip into the wilderness of Big Sur. We chose the remote Fresno Camp, way off the beaten path - literally! In fact, the path is so overgrown, that our hike took twice as long just to plow through the bushes. Just enough trail existed for us to keep following down into a quiet valley by the San Antonio creek. The campsite was smack in a riverbed which floods over in the rainy season. We couldn't have picked a better time, since it was right before the first fall rains hit a couple weeks ago. The solitude was refreshing, the mountains were towering above, and the weather was sunny and bright. The cold creek offered yet another chance to get my hair wet and take a dip. The water flowed down over shimmering rocks and opened into pools one to two feet deep. A biodegradable soap allowed for a sudsy scrub down after a tiring (and poison oak filled) hike in. The camp food tasted delicious as always in the small metal pot that had been heated over the fire. There was no one in sight from start to finish during our two nights of camping and hiking. But even if we'd been lonely, the gnats still swarmed and cuddled with us.

After emerging from the dirty wilderness, we drove to the icon of luxury - The Hearst Castle. I'm not sure if I ever went there as a kid, but it was great to finally see it as an adult.

We also saw the elephant seals of San Simeon. The female elephant seals were sleeping in piles on the beach, while young males were sparring and testing their strength in the low water where the waves came in.

Daylight savings ends bringing the real darkness of winter. The rains have hit hard, and work has been wet and cold a couple times now. Fall potatoes, squash, and greens have arrived too, and I'll be roasting the veggies away at home in Felton.

What a planet, eh?

Update

As you may notice, I've updated the look of my blog to stay current with the changes in my life. Rather than explain all the reasons and philosophies behind the change, I'll just leave it to be discovered by those who may be reading and following along, and I'll leave this post as history of what came and went.

As my life continues to change, I'm looking around at this world I live in with new eyes. I'm looking with fascination and marvel at this very physical universe.

In this world, there are trees. There are squirrels. There are people. There is a bright blue sky which spans out into the greatest depths of infinite space. There is the light of the sun which trickles down through leaves, shutters, and shades to reach this fantastic sense organ called the eye.

There is a human being seeing, thinking, and typing. There are the molecules of organic matter composing an intricate and richly layered organism of cells, tissues, and organs. There is this whole business called being alive.

Why is it that a Human Being, living in this verdant paradise still lives with anger and aggresion? Why is it that a Human Being lives with fear, stress, and anxiety? Why the violence? Why the corruption? Why the sorrow? This is what we call the human condition.

Here I am, alive in this moment. And here is a fresh start.

Going Beyond Beauty

I woke up this morning, feeling fresh, well rested. I looked across the room to the blue curtain hanging by the brown wooden window frame. The contrast of bright blue on woody brown was stunning and I decided to linger with my attention there for a minute. As I continued to enjoy this vivid display of color, a sense of beauty arose in me.

"That's beautiful," I thought to myself, while looking at this vivid blue on brown arrangement of light.

"Ah, beauty!" I thought to myself next. I had been eagerly awaiting a chance to explore this beauty thing in greater depth. What is this thing we call beautiful? I investigated inwardly with an attentive curiousity. Ah, yes... beauty is a feeling, an emotion!

It sounds strange even writing it now, but in the moment it's so clear. Beauty is my enjoyment of my concept about the show of light I was watching. It's a sorta inward vibing with myself and my own thought "this is beautiful." Because I have concieved that I'm observing a "beautiful thing," I can experience a sorta inward pleasure with myself. Because "I" am witnessing the beauty, and because "I" am a part of this beauty - I get a warm pleasure inside. In essence, the beauty wouldn't even exist if not for "me!" and what a wonderful boost this is for "me."

"Ah, yes... this is what I've been calling "beauty." What a waste! Let me throw that out," I thought next. The absurdity of it required no further investigation. "Now, let me see what this experience actually is," I continued with the inquiry. What is this blue and brown? What is this seeing? What are these sensations in my eyeballs which are percieving color - vibrant, active, radiating.

I continued to look at the colors with the directness of my actual eyes. Abandoning the safe space behind the eyes where I could sit and observe - the safe space where "I" still exist. I lept forward, into the colors themselves, into my eyeballs, into the sensations. The colors were the sensations, the curtains were the colors, my eyes were the sensing. The sensing was active. These colors were not dead, lifeless, inert. These colors were now! These colors, the actual experience, was actually happening. Light entering eyeballs, a selection of wavelengths percieved by the sensitive apparatus of the visual organ. Each wavelength unique and distinct by it's very factual existence. The sensing was the most intimate and direct contact with these already existant colors.

Delight would be a small understatement. Pleasure fits well. What a joy these colors were. The joy was the sensing - there was no gap. No sensing first and then enjoying. The sensing was the enjoying. Sensuosness. The pure pleasure of unadulterated sensing. Actual color, actual light.

It was clear that I had left the territory known as the beautiful and was now traveling in a new landscape. This landscape was completely unknown as it's existence was only in the present moment. There was no way to have been there before, thus no way to have known it previously.

What was "beauty" had now opened up into a new world of sight and seeing. Beauty had fallen by the wayside. Things still held some resemblence to that old image of beauty. The experience was still fascinating, scintillating, vibrant, stunning, wondrous, active and dynamic. The pleasure of it had only increased if anything. But, beautiful? A far cry. Such a personal and self-referential adjective couldn't possibly describe this experience which was so much more than "I" could ever be.

Ah... time passed and I sat down thinking, "maybe I should write about that experience." I began to reflect on it (as I'm also reflecting on it now while typing.)

Reflecting thus, "going beyond beauty. What a wonderful experience," I began again to tune into my experience. This time I sat at my computer, music playing, soft light coming in through the blinds.

"Ah, yes. It's still here." *IT* being the actual universe as experienced through the sense organs. It is still here indeed! Ha!

I hear the music and once again take the leap. The leap into the sensations themselves, free from my self. The music surrounds me, it approaches from every angle, as I sit in the music itself - In the hearing, at the exact point of dynamic contact. The colors blend with sound, as it all becomes just raw sensation. This time the pleasure nears overwhelm, and literally knocks the breath out of me. I recoil to catch my breath. Physical waves of pleasure move through the entirety of my body.

This is new.

I've never ventured this far out before - this far beyond "the beautiful."

Habitual reactions come up. Mostly fear. "Oh, this is too much," and "oh, I can't take this," and "I can't handle this," and "this isn't good," etc.

I pause and consider the facts: Well, certainly I wouldn't live very long if I'm not breathing, so catching my breath is a sound idea. But, having the breath knocked out of me is just a startle response to the rather surprising stimuli of such intense pleasure. There's nothing about the pleasure itself that is overwhelming. Ok, excuse diverted.

I continued the inquiry. "Could I live there forever?" And the next fear became clear: "Ah... but it will consume all of me. Like a black hole, it will absorb me completely." And for some reason this seems "scary"? The scariness of it evades me at this moment. A flurry of other reactions and resistance shows it's head - all of it unfounded in any sort of sensibility.

It's like a tin can called "beauty" was sitting on my shelf and I naively decided to open it. "Experience" popped out, and now there's no getting it back in. In fact, I'm not sure I can even find the can anymore.

I sit, continuing to type. Yes, there is still work to do. This isn't, at all, the end of the journey, but the end of this little tale. A tale which continues on as this moment, "this only moment of being alive."

Reader's Write: "Where Do You Work?"

A friend writes:

"Nice one, cutting the hours back to practice. Where do you work that lets you do that, lucky."

My job is wonderful, and I feel very fortunate to have it. It doesn't pay a lot, and there isn't really any "upward mobility" or "career ladder" to climb. But, it is lots of fun, and the people are great. Basically, I wake up at 4am, eat an omellette, and then drive to meet my carpool from which point we continue on to Wattsonville. There we pick up a truck which has been loaded with super fresh fruits and veggies (mostly picked the day before) and start driving up toward the
Bay Area.

By the time I arrive, it's around 7am, the sun is up, people are laughing, and the day is getting underway. We set up our veggie stand at the Farmer's Market (I'm in Berkeley on Saturday and Montclaire on Sunday) and start selling by 9am. It's fast paced hustle and bustle - not at all like Safeway. We weigh people's food by old time scales and geuestimate the prices to the nearest quarter. Sometimes I can take maybe about 20 customers per minute when things are really flying!

We sell super fresh California delicious certified organic produce. It's seriously some of the highest quality food on the planet. Special Bonus: I get to take home as much as I want as well as "trade" with other vendors for whatever they are selling. My food bill averages about $10 per week. And, when I get it home, I don't even do fancy recipes or lots of spice because the food is so good and so fresh that it just bursts with flavour as-is. My favorite dish is to throw everything in a cast-iron pot with some olive oil (garlic, onions, potatoes, squash, broccoli, tomatoes, fennel with some fresh rosemary, marjoram, sage) a little salt - don't even cut them up, just cook 'em whole. And, eat them super hot right out of the pot. Simple food can taste so good.

Before i know it, it's already 1PM, market's over and time to pack up and go home. I get back to the farm around 4:30pm, finish unloading the truck and getting it ready for the next day. Clock out with about a 12.5 hour day and drive home for a quick bubble bath and a few hours of sleep before I repeat the whole thing again the next day. So, right now I'm just working Saturday and Sunday (for a total of 25 hours)... and then mon-fri I have free to do whatever I want!

Field Trip to the Fields

I may not be traveling anymore right now, but I can still take a field trip. So, last Monday about a dozen Happy Boy Farms employees (including myself) took a field trip out to the fields where our veggies are growing fresh and lively.

One thing that can be said about the Happy Boy farmer's market workers is that we are our number one fans! Which is to say that we probably eat more of Happy Boy's produce than any of our other customers. The running joke is that the people at the grocery store must be laughing at us when they only ever see us buying dairy, toilet paper and beer. Well, maybe not exactly, but when all of our veggies, fruit, bread, rice and honey are coming fresh from the farmer's market, there's not much need for anything else.

Mouths watering, we hit the fields. A few of the veggies were so tempting that they just had to be plucked on the spot. Other than eating watermelons and tomatoes in the field, I also took home a "first of the season" red kabocha squash, a few fresh red cippolini onions, and a handful of okra.

California is such an amazing land. The skies were big and blue and the sun was shining hot. The majority of the fields we visited were in the Hollister and Gilroy area, although I don't know all the exact locations. Greg (the owner of the farm) was excited about our newest field because of the mix of long hours of sunshine with a cool coastal air - perfect for our baby lettuce!

The colors were beautiful, the smells were fresh, and the Happy Boys and Girls were smiling happily. Yum!

By the way, I've used up all my free space on Picasa, so I started another account to fit the new photos:
http://picasaweb.google.com/bhavanatraveler

Jumping Off Trees in India

Here's a video that a friend took of me and some friends in India. This was day 39 of our 40 day retreat when we were first allowed to talk again, and we were invited to take boats out on the lake to get to know each other.

I ended up in a boat with 4 other men. Men! So, what do you think we did? Well, we sang funny songs, and then decided to jump out of a tree about 30 feet high above the water. In the video, I'm the last one climbing up the tree, and also the first to jump.

My friend Eskild took the video. He was also the guy in the room next to mine, so I saw him every day of the retreat as I had to walk through his room to get to the front door. The guy speaking French in the video was in the room on the other side of me. And the fourth guy was on the other side of the house. As we jump, we shout out: Asish Bhawan! (which was the name of the cottage we were living in.)

Oh, what fun we had.

Meeting Mokshananda

California is a wonderful place for all things related to mind, spirit, psychology, and the inner journey. Especially wonderful is Santa Cruz which happens to be home to an enlightened master named Mokshananda (who knows how many enlightened beings are in this town, perhaps quite a few.)

I wanted to go to a dharma gathering of some sort and meet some like minded individuals, and also to continue my ongoing process of inquiry. So, I looked in the Santa Cruz area and found quite a few options. Big on my list to visit are Vipassana Santa Cruz, and the Burmese monastery in nearby Boulder Creek. But I found a gathering with Mokshananda to be the first event which really fit well with my schedule, so a couple months back I went. I'd been meaning to write something about it for a while, but it's also been nice to let it sink in a bit and be able to write on it with some perspective.

I found Mokshananda on the website of Adyashanti, who apparently was one of Mokie's teachers. Of course, one of the most obvious things about both these teachers is their use of funky Hindu names despite the fact that they are zen teachers who are white guys from California. Even funnier is that Mokshananda goes by Mokie, and Adyashanti goes by Adya. But, whatever... we're all a little quirky I guess.

The Adyashanti lineage seems to teach a sorta amorphous non-dual enlightenment that's only very loosely based on zen, and is most commonly transmitted through Satsangs (a hindu concept which basically means a community gathering "sangha" to explore truth "sat"). So, it's got a very Advaita (Hindu non-duality) feel to it as well.

Anyway, I went to see Mokshananda and found it particularly amusing that he decided not to give a themed talk on that particular day. He started by saying "well, most of you seem like familiar faces and have heard everything I have to say, so I'll just open it up to questions instead." Doh! I haven't heard any of it, yet! In fact, I'd never heard anything from Mokie before, since I only found him on another website and decided to check it out because it was close by. What's also funny is that the one time I went to see Gil Fronsdal he also decided not to give a talk, but rather just answer questions instead. Oh well.

I arrived a minute or two late for the gathering and so everyone was already sitting in silence. Mokie was sitting on the big red couch in the front of the living room, and everyone else was scattered throughout, sitting on the floor or in chairs. I found out later that this was actually Mokie's house I was sitting in. Cool! It's not often that a spiritual teacher just says "hey, c'mon into my house and let's talk."

He had on an Independent beanie (a skateboarding brand) and he looked pretty peaceful sitting on his couch in silence. What was also obvious very quickly is that almost everyone there was older than me with the majority being over forty, and maybe a couple folks nearer to my age. Mokie looked like maybe about forty years old himself, but maybe he just looks good for his age (edit: I just found out he's in his late fortys). It was quite an eclectic group too, like maybe comprised of ex-hippies. No matter - I was happy to be there, whatever the crowd.

Although I didn't really get too much sense of what the teaching was, I really enjoyed hearing Mokie's responses to questions, and enjoyed asking a question of my own. I'm not sure his answer helped me too much, however. He was big on the practice of asking the question "who am I?"

So, in the end I can't say much about him as a teacher. I still feel fairly unacquainted with who he is. But, he did have a very welcoming attitude and made it clear that I was certainly welcome to come back again. I may take him up on that, as I like the idea of a simple teacher living locally and easily accessible.

Tomato Time!

So delicious!

An Island Hidden In The Sound

"There's an island hidden in the sound...
come and see."
- The Decemberists

This Is It

"The most essential principle I wish to drive home is that THIS IS IT, meaning that this moment contains the truth. Any model [of Enlightenment] that tries to drive a wedge between the specifics of what is happening in your world right now and what awakening entails needs to be considered with great skepticism. With the simple exception of the fact of poorly perceiving the sensations occurring now and habitually coming up with the illusion of a separate, continuous individual, nearly all of the rest of the dreams are problematic to some degree. This basic principle is essential to practice, as it focuses things on the here and now, and also happens to be true."
- Daniel Ingram

Feeling the Groove, Taking a Break

So, I feel like I'm finally finding my groove here in Felton. I've got my new car. I've seen a lot of old friends. And, the Farmer's Markets are in full summer swing.

To really make best use of my time here in Felton, I think I'm going to take a break from my blog for a couple weeks. I've had a lot of fun writing about a bunch of things which have been on my mind over the last year or so. I'm going to consider it like another little "retreat" for August - a blogging retreat. I hope to report back again in the future with some more highlights from this wild ride of life. (And hopefully some good photos from the Farmer's Markets!)

Be well,

Daniel

Reader's Write: Does Meditation Help?

Here's part of an email I got from a close friend recently which definitely touched my heart. It seemed important to me, so I wanted to share this snippet here:

Hey Daniel,

Good to hear from you and it's even better to know your happy...

... Why am I so unhappy with my current life? Does meditation really help? check my astrology sign and let me know when it's gonna get better please!

When I read this, I thought to myself that this is really a wonderful question. I'm not sure exactly why I thought that, and I don't think I have any good answers, but there was something very human about it, and so I thought it was worthy of attention.

Why am "I" so unhappy with my current life? Or you, or me, or us, or whomever... Why are we unhappy with our lives? What's up with this? Why do we do this?

And we don't just get unhappy with our life, we then project it out onto others through blame, leading to hatred, resentment, and ill-will, and then further into rage, violence, war, etc. Or, we may do the opposite and project it inward into self-blame, self-hatred, and even further into depression and suicide.

Why do we do this? Doesn't it seem a little silly?

Here we are, human beings, finding ourselves on this, the Planet Earth. We eat, sleep, breathe, and generally take on the functions and processes of being human. And, there we are... we find ourselves in this curious situation called "my current life." Whoa! There it is - smack! It's our life, and it's all around us, and for the most part, it's pretty much inescapable. Well, whadya know!

So what are we to do? We didn't really ask for it. We didn't get a guidebook on it. We're just here, and our life is happening.

And then there's this thing called unhappiness. hmmm... an interesting quirk that one. It's not a pleasant experience - to be unhappy. And yet, there it is. Why do we become unhappy with our life? Well, now...

Does meditation help?

I don't really know the answer to that one either, but here's the easy answer: "try it and find out." It's not such a huge investment of time and resources, and when we think of what's at stake (unhappiness, misery, violence and the vast suffering of the human condition)... then at least it's worth giving it a shot, I think.

And, of course, if you try it, you can report back your findings for the rest of us to learn from.

While I can't say definitively "yes, meditation helps," I can say for sure that meditation does something. That much is very clear. The effect is not insignificant. And, whatever it is that meditation does, I like it. And, so far at least, I think it does lead me to be more happy and harmless in the world. We'll see how it proceeds from here.

So, what do you find? Does it help?

Bye Bye, Big Bankers

I'm happy today because I did something I've been wanting to do for a while. I found this website a while back: MoveYourMoney.info and have ever since been wanting to get my money out of Bank of America and into a local bank.

First of all, Bank of America was charging me $5 for every international ATM use while I was in India. Santa Cruz County Bank has no charge for international ATM usage! Yeah!

But, of course, it's not just the ATM charges, it's that I really believe capitalism is a totally failed system if we don't take the responsibility to be conscientious consumers. Whenever possible, I like to buy local. I feel more now than ever that I am out of the corporate mess that is responsible for things like the BP oil spill, the current recession in America, and much much more. I'm working for a small local business. I'm eating almost entirely food from the Farmer's Markets which is either produced or grown locally. I don't watch TV, so I'm not exposed to commercials. When I do buy stuff outside the farmer's market, I try to avoid the big corporate brands. And, now my money is in a local bank too. If only I could run my car on local petroleum products (or better yet, no petrol.)

Go Local!

Anyway, I'm not sharing because I want to brag or anything, but because I think this is really our responsibility as consumers in this modern capitalist society, and perhaps my sharing this with you might give others some inspiration to be more aware of where their money goes.

So, enough preaching. Santa Cruz County Bank is really fun. I was surprised when I walked in that there was no huge banners and branding all over the place. In fact, I didn't even know if it was the right building, as it just looked like such a small bank like in some old movie or something. The people were super nice, and it was just a fun experience. They have a better rating than BofA on Bauer Financial, and all the perks that I had with my old account. So, things look good so far.

I was excited so I wanted to share. The Buddha mentioned that one step on his Noble Eightfold Path was "Right Livelihood." Perhaps we could also include in that category "Right Consumerism."

If you want to watch some fun propaganda about local banking, I'm including this video here from the people at Move Your Money...

Reader's Write: Choosing Your Religion

I got a comment from one of my friends a while back, in January when I had just started this blog and was just leaving for India. For some reason, I really liked the comment and wanted to share it here. I'm not sure that I have much of a response, but here it is anyway.

Darnell Writes: I'm glad you've decided to embrace a foreign culture and religion. It seems like most americans have a dismissive attitude about such things as personal enlightment through non christian means. Though I'm not religous myself, meditation has been proven by conventional medical standards to be very healthy and I've done it from time to time. Sinn said he spent one year at a tibetan monastery and he thought for sure that's where he wanted to spend the rest of his life. Is that how you feel about this?

Thanks Darnell. I was never really raised Christian, and never had much interest for it. Once I got older, though, I came to enjoy some of the stories of Jesus. One of my favorite episodes from the Bible is this one:

Jesus went to the mount of Olives: And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came to him; and he sat down and taught them. And the scribes and Pharisees brought to him a woman taken in adultery: and when they had set her in the midst, They say to him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned; but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he raised himself, and said to them, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even to the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

John 8:1-9

Wow! That's one of my all time favorites - a powerful image and sound advice. I'm not sure if I'm really very religious, but I hear a story like that and I feel moved and inspired. In fact, it doesn't even seem like anything religious, just good sense.

Funny though, that some who claim to be Christian might "cast stones" at foreign cultures and religions. Hmmm.... go figure.

I didn't know that Sinn spent time at a monastery, that's pretty cool. I must admit that I did visit a Zen temple in Korea and I remember watching the bamboo blow in the wind, and hearing the giant gong being struck at 5:00 in the morning, and I think I could've stayed there the rest of my life. There is something quite attractive about that kind of simplicity peace and beauty.

I definitely feel fortunate to live in a country (and much of the world) where I'm free to sit around enjoying inner silence in my own way without being persecuted for being a witch or a heretic. It's funny because even Jesus didn't have that, and his "embrace of a foreign religion" didn't seem to go over too well in his day. Let's just say, life is more enjoyable when not nailed to a cross.

Be well, and good luck with your meditation practice.

Daniel

Home

I just watched this movie, Home. It's a series of breathtaking aerial images of different landscapes across the planet Earth. A narrator describes "our home" as we move through time from the beginnings of life to the age of petroleum.

It's more of an eco-movie than a meditation movie, but I'm not sure if there's much difference for me. I really like the maxim: Think Globally, Act Locally. And, really that's what my blog is about too: Travel Globally, Meditate Locally. (Maybe that will be my new tag line.)

The imagery in the movie takes us on travels around the globe to see stunning sights from every continent. The story takes us implicitly into the psychology of being an Earthling, although there's no explicit mention of psychology or greed or the primal drives which move us as humans.

What becomes clear is that with the beginnings of life comes the hunger for energy. To be an Earthling, and to be alive, is to be an energy hungering, sucking, slurping carbon-based form. To be an Earthling is to be composed of energy stored in organic matter and to feed off the energy of the Earth, the Sun, or the stored energy of other organic beings. Organic life. Hungry. Licking it's lips. Carbon! Light! Yum!

In fact, it even appeared (to me) as though humanity has just been a pawn in the wide sweeping movement of life to be born of energy and light - a process which has been going on for billions of years and is likely to continue long after the carbon-based human has mutated once again into greatly more complex organic life.

I like the idea of titling the movie "Home," though I was expecting it to be a bit more like a tour through my home to see what we find. I think they had a different agenda. I'll suggest the next movie be called "Earthling."

Anyway, I'm hungry now for some more light-energy stored conveniently in plant forms for my consumption. Time to eat. Slurrp!

"Rise To Taste The Dawn..."

"I rise to taste the dawn, and find that love alone will shine today."


- Ken Wilber

My Breakthrough Books (chronological order)

I thought for fun, I'd write a list of those books and teachers who have had huge impacts in my life and my continuing path of personal awakening. I will try to get all the big ones in there, but may miss a few. I'm sure the most important will make it on the list. I don't necessarily recommend any of these anymore, as it seems like it's as much a matter of timing as anything. They were perfect for me, where I was, at the time. I hope this doesn't come off as too much narcissistic reminiscing, but I just wanted to share these resources out of gratitude.


1985 (?)
Aikido Class
I remember bowing to the Sensei and wearing cool clothes. I loved (and still love) the Japanese aesthetic. I don't think I had any idea what I was doing, however, but the drop falls really helped me from breaking bones later when I got into skateboarding. And, I think the sense of flowing with life has stayed with me ever since.

1983-1988 (?)
Nueva Learning Center
I was blessed to go to this ahead-of-its-time school as a kid. I can't even imagine my life without it.

1998
Way of The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman
I didn't read that many books back in those days, but this one was recommended to me by my mom, and was my first glimpse at a possible spiritual life that wasn't confined by the likes of Christianity or Science.

1999
The Tao of Physics, by Fritjof Capra
This was my first introduction to Eastern philosophy that was presented in a way that I was actually interested. (My first time hearing the Dharma.) I was simultaneously studying quantum physics at UC Berkeley, falling deeply deeply in love, and having the time of my life - the synchronicity was unbelievable and changed the entire course of my life. I think, after reading it, I called my sister and told her that I was a Buddha (psychotic delusions are always the mark of a really good book - he he). After this, I read a vast number of books from 1999 on in many different subjects that would be way too long a list to put here. None of them stand out now as particular highlights, though each one had a piece of the puzzle.

2003
10 Day Retreat, Suan Mokh, Thailand
My first real taste of silent meditation. I got into some very peaceful states, but really had no idea what these monks were going on about, with their Jhanas and Wheels of dependent origination and whatnot.

Gestalt Therapy, by Frederick S. Perls
I learned how to yell at pillows! No, actually, I just read the book (didn't actually do any therapy per se.) The book was my inspiration to stop being shy and start talking to real people in the real world (though it was something of a bumpy ride at first).

2004
Without Embarrasment (link requires parental supervision), by Mike Pilinski
It's totally embarrassing to mention this book here (if you click the link, you'll see what I mean - but don't click it at work). Ha! I mean, it's one of the cheeziest books out there, and I wouldn't really recommend it. But, out of all the dating books that I read from 2004-2006 or so, this one still stands out in my mind the most (thanks Mike!). The basic thing I got from it was to start questioning my shame. Like, I would discover a self-judgement: "I'm bad if I do xyz..." and then question "am I really bad?" It sounds simple, but it had a Profound Impact!

2007
The Authentic Man Program
I don't really know what they did, or if it really helped at all, but I do know it re-ignited the flame of my inner journey. I'm sure Decker would consider this success enough.

2008
10 Day Vipassana Course in the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin and S.N. Goenka
Recommended to me by Decker and Bryan from The Authentic Man Program, my first course at the California Vipassana Center dropped a bomb on my psyche that's still sending shock waves through the Earth's crust. This really re-ignited the inner journey which started with Tao of Physics in 1999, and this time the lid blew off.

The Point of Existence by A.H. Almaas
What Goenka provided in practice, Almaas delivered in theory. For the very very very first time in my entire life, I actually considered that there might be an Absolute Truth (albeit beyond any explanation) and that therefore there might actually be... that's right... a point of existence. Not at all what I thought it'd be though. I think the meticulousness and scientific scrutiny with which the Diamond Mind books are presented actually gave me for the first time some faith that this stuff was real, and that it was well-traveled territory, and that although it's subjective and hard to describe, it is no less available for scientific discovery as any other landscape in existence. I'm not sure I would've gone on if not for this book.

Adyashanti
I found Adyashanti after first recommendation from my friend Greg, and then also from Damian (thanks guys). I really liked his down to earth descriptions of what it may mean to live the enlightened life. Again, it gave me a sense that there really was something going on here, and that it was possible.

2009
The Way to Ultimate Calm by Webu Sayadaw
The Vimuttimagga by The Arahant Upatissa
During my stay at the California Vipassana Center, I read a number of Theravada Buddhist texts, these two stand out as my favorites for extremely direct and practical teachings about meditation. And, the six month stay at CVC was a breakthrough in itself, to say the least.

Mastering The Core Teachings Of The Buddha, by Daniel Ingram
This is a profound book which is direct and to the point.

2010
Christopher Titmuss
Open Dharma
All of this is on my blog in the archives, so you guys know the story. But, I have so much love for Christopher, Jaya, Jess, Ajay, and Zohar.

I hope maybe someone gets a fresh idea for reading options or retreat options from this. If your out there reading this, I'd love to hear any breakthrough books or teachers, etc. which came at the right time and left a meaningful impact in your life. You can add it to the comment section and keep the list going!

Happy and Harmless

"We are all fellow human beings who find ourselves here in the world as it was when we were born. We find war, murder, torture, rape, domestic violence and corruption to be endemic ... we notice that it is intrinsic to the human condition ... we set out to discover why this is so. We find sadness, loneliness, sorrow, grief, depression and suicide to be a global incidence – we gather that it is also inherent to the human condition – and we want to know why. We all report to each other as to the nature of our discoveries for we are all well-meaning and seek to find a way out of this mess that we have landed in. Whether one believes in re-incarnation or not, we are all living this particular life for the very first time, and we wish to make sense of it. It is a challenge and the adventure of a life-time to enquire and to uncover, to seek and to find, to explore and to discover. All this being alive business is actually happening and we are totally involved in living it out ... whether we take the back seat or not, we are all still doing it."

"It is the most stimulating adventure of a lifetime to embark upon a voyage into one’s own psyche. Discovering the source of the Nile or climbing Mount Everest – or whatever physical venture – pales into insignificance when compared to the thrill of finding out about life, the universe, and what it is to be a human being living in the world as-it-is with people as-they-are."

- Richard

I woke up this morning thinking about harmlessness, and a wish for you out there to simply feel good about life.

I sometimes don't know what this blog is all about, but I think one hope was for it to be honest and sincere.

There are trees here, and trees very often bring me a sense of well-being. Trees tend also to be rather harmless for the most part as well.

So, I step out of my house into the cold morning air and sit, typing under the trees and the birdsongs. I look, and I am in a jungle, a green paradise teeming with life. To my left, I look through layers of leaves. Through the leaves of one tree, I see the trunk of the next. Beyond the oaks, I see the orange Madrone trunk reaching up for the sky. Beyond that, more green leaves which fade into a darker backdrop of shaded leaves in the far background - a good 50 yards away. One leave falls from the brighter layer and the contrast of bright green on dark is stunning. What amazes me is that I can't see the soil, and neither can I see sky. Beyond the farthest leaf I can see, lies only more branches trunks and leaves. It is not thick and crowded, but it's not vacant either.

I look in front of me and see a different view. Redwood trees, with their darker needles, and dark wood trunks. In this direction I can see to the ground, the soil in front of me - again about 50 yards away - is covered in decaying leaves from what seems to be a endless California season of regenerative leaf growth. Some branches cross horizontally creating a matrix of intersecting lines.

The oak tree right in front of me looks sad. It's struggling with it's health and looks stunted in it's growth. Short branches peel off of a spindly trunk. The leaves are a rich green color, and they seem to be saying "I'm not done yet."

It's cold and I wonder about the marvelous existence of temperature. To be born not only into three dimensions of space, and also time, with all it's movement, shape, form and colors, but also to have this extra thing we call temperature. Each moment reaches fullness only with it's complimentary temperature. Feeling cold, I feel alive. Feeling warm, I feel alive. In this moment, I am alive.

What would it be to live a day of life without greed, hatred, and delusion? What would it be to live a day of life without the struggle of Good vs. Evil?

What is this strange world?

An Invitation To Sit

The Redwood Grove Retreat Sanctuary is situated in the forested hills of Felton, CA. Practitioners from all traditions are welcome to come and spend time in quiet reflection or simply to enjoy the clean air and sweet bird songs in the forest.

He he....

Well, I used to live in a home that my housemates and I called The Project San Francisco Mansion. Now, why not call my home the Redwood Grove Retreat Sanctuary! Why not?! For now, it's my little retreat sanctuary, and it's paradise on Earth.

Although it's my mom's place, I am paying rent and she encouraged me to really consider it my own while I'm here. So, I turned the living room into a little meditation hall that could actually sit quite a few meditators comfortably. I don't expect any big meditation parties soon, however, as most of my friends still aren't quite as meditation obsessed as I am. But, the invitation really is open for anyone to come and join me sometime in a quiet sit (or lying on the couch or standing on your head, or however you prefer to enjoy the silence).

I've already had one guest to the house, who says "...." (yikes... I've even got testimonials?! This is funny.)

I've got another friend planning to stop in the next week or two. So, if you want a little retreat time of your own, to escape the non-stop bustle of the American Dream, send me an email.

Wake up bell is at 5:00AM (on a good day)

Cushion Report: Mind Like Honey

Waking up this morning, Day 4 of my little retreat, I notice an interesting blend of feelings inside. Something I've noticed before is a feeling of inner growth and deepening, like I'm a little bit older than when I started (and not just three days worth). That feeling's not too uncommon for me after a retreat. Sometimes it can seem like an entire lifetime passes in those few days of silence. And a lifetime of wisdom is available in those days as well. I'm not holding my breath for that feeling to last however - and wouldn't it be kind of *immature* of me if I did? he he.

I feel strangely defeated, while also refreshed and alive. Vibrant happy and awake, and also completely without hope. I would say humility and grace, although the word "humility" is overshooting it a bit. Like I said, it's an interesting blend this morning (I tried to capture the feeling in the photo to the left).

I set myself up with my last blog post, so I suppose I better have something to say about all that. As predicted, nothing went as planned. Wonderful. As I reflect on the experimental parameters, the techniques and procedures, and the overall hypothesis, I find that words aren't quite sufficient right now. In some respect, I practiced mindfulness as I set out to do, in the way that I described. But, in another respect, that seems to be only a small description of the big big picture. What I don't want to do here is be overly dramatic, though. For the most part, my days were really quite ordinary. I sat; I ate; I walked in the woods. And, I'm listening to the chanting of Anonymous 4 as I type right now, so I worry that the music might make me write in an even more dramatic tone.

What I can say is that there seems to be a very distinct shift occurring in my meditation practice. It's like a chameleon who changes to their environment, or like the way honey tastes different depending on the pollen which fed the bee. In fact, I really like that analogy right now. I think I'm experiencing the "mind like honey." (this sounds so "zen," so give me a second to get a little poetic) The mind like honey is the mind which recognizes the pollen which has given it flavor. Of course, there is a little "me" inside who would love to take credit for every flavor as though it were the master cook in a honey kitchen. But, no. Nature shapes nature. Or, at least, so it seems in this moment.

Anyway, during my six months at the California Vipassana Center, I was in a very tight container with strict rules and discipline, a schedule, a staff, a self-contained piece of land, and it was all very Buddhist. All that was allowed at the center was vipassana and the Buddhist scriptures and commentaries which supported the practice. Meditation had a more straightforward feel to it - "A" leads to "B" leads to "C." There was a path, a practice, and a goal. It was wonderful.

Once in India, meditation took on a new flavor. With the unavoidable influence of Hinduism and Indian culture in general, things took on a more mystical feel. While spending time with community, but also traveling alone on the road, there was a mixing, and an expansiveness. It was also wonderful.

Now, it seems something different is occurring here in Felton, CA. I'm not sure I can say what it is yet. In fact, I fear I'd be a bit presumptuous to even take a guess, but the influence of reliance on my own discipline, and well, just being on my own in so many ways is starting a new current within me. Of course, I have dharma talks on my computer, lots of books to read, and even lots of really great dharma brothers, sisters, and mentors to call or email if I come onto a stumbling block. But, when I come home to this little cabin, it's just me. I could walk away at anytime, and there's absolutely no rule that I can't. In fact, I can't say that I've taken on any rules or discipline in my meditation time here, but rather I've just set intentions and then gone with the flow.

So, I'm getting a little embarrassed now, writing all this, even though I haven't said that much. It seems the most tender place is inside oneself in the quiet times. I sometimes wonder why I write all this on my blog at all, and I wonder if other people wonder that too. Maybe it's best not to try to figure that one out.

The bottom line of what I'm trying to say is that I don't really have anything to say. This cushion report is just not going to be very report-ish.

It's like this: Life... to be conscious... to be a living, sentient being... composed of the same elements as the trees, the stones, the earth, the sky, the sun... to be this living creature in this strange and curious world... and then... to think!... to have this constant movement called "thought" throughout one's mind...

All of this comes together and there comes from it this word "meditation."

What is that? What is this meditation thing? Where'd it come from? I mean, which galaxy did it fall down from? How is it that consciousness decides to explore itself? And how is it that this human being has come to a place of such distortion from it's elements in the first place? How is it that the elements of life want to know themselves? And, then... quite spontaneously... they start to write about it. Pudgy little fingers strike a keyboard in a quiet room attempting to spell out the inexplicable bizarreness of being what can't possibly be but what unavoidably is.

Whew... weird. I'll just leave it at that.

All is well.

Ode to Professor Anderson

Here I am after another long weekend of work. I worked about 25 hours in two days this weekend, and it looks like soon I'll be going up to three days per week of work (as melon season begins!) So, this week I've decided to take advantage of my last chance for a while to do a full weekday personal retreat at home here in Felton. I'll start this evening, and go until Friday afternoon. I'm really appreciating the value of this time.

On Saturday in Berkeley, walking up to my cash register to buy some veggies from me was none other than Professor Anderson from UC Berkeley. He was probably my favorite professor of my entire college experience, and taught my favorite class. It was the Inorganic Chemistry Lab class. It consisted of three hour-long lectures per week and two six-hour-long laboratory periods! Nothing beats six hours straight in a Chemistry lab! Oh... heaven.

I got to share my appreciation with Professor Anderson, and joked that I was now working at an organic farm, but that an inorganic farm wouldn't make much sense. He laughed and said, "yeah... Silica wouldn't taste very good, would it."

So, I dedicate this retreat to Professor Anderson and the chem lab. And, in the spirit of going back to the lab for the next three days, I want to see if I can be a bit more scientific with my meditation experiment. The trouble is that ever since Sattal, my meditation has been even more free-form and less structured. I find it difficult to put into words. But, I'll give it a shot anyway.

I think as a foundation, I still like what the Buddha called "The one and only way to total liberation" - which is the fourfold Satipatthana (also known as Vipassana meditation). One small problem, however, is that the Buddha spoke in Pali, and for those who haven't studied Pali, it may not be as useful a description. I'm not a Pali expert by any means, but I'll attempt my own humble translation.

Satipatthana means the establishing of sati. Sati is a very profound word which gets translated usually as mindfulness or awareness (which I think fails a little short of it's full meaning). It also has a connotation of memory - but not in the sense of remembering the past, but rather of remembering the now. Remembering that I am, and remembering that I am here, and remembering that it is now. If we translate sati as wakefulness, then we could see that the Buddha really gave us a reflexive definition - "the one and only way to completely wake up is by becoming completely awake." Oh, Buddha, you crazy cat!

Vipassana means to observe things in a very true and wise way, sometimes translated as "insight" or "seeing things as they are." In my opinion, this is really the goal which every true scientist should aspire too.

But, since the words Satipatthana and Vipassana still fail to explain the actual technique, I'll quickly give the actual instructions of the Buddha. It's as simple as this...

"This is the one and only way, bhikkhus, for the purification of beings, for the overcoming of sorrow and lamentation, for the extinguishing of suffering and grief, for walking on the path of truth, for the realisation of nibbāna: that is to say, the fourfold satipatthana.

Which four? Here, monks, a monk dwells ardent with awareness and constant thorough understanding, observing body in body, having removed craving and aversion towards the world [of mind and matter]; he dwells... observing sensations in sensations... he dwells... observing mind in mind... he dwells... observing mental contents"

- Buddha, Mahasatipatthana Sutta

The meditator dwells... That is job one. Just to dwell (viharati). To live. To be.

And, as the meditator dwells, the meditator observes the whole of body, heart, and mind (kaya, vedana, citta, and dhamma) arising and passing in it's infinitely varied forms and manifestations.

And that's it. So simple. So very very simple.

I was thinking of it this morning by analogy and thought of my recent meditation experiences much like a vast ocean of existential experience. And with each passing tide, life moves through awareness - arising, and then passing away. Each moment arising and then passing away, and then the next moment arising and passing away. Awareness then, is something like a net, though it has no dimensions and no material substance. It notices all that pass through the net, as the meditator dwells.

So, I think this is the most precise description I can come up with right now for what the meditation technique is that I plan to do for the next few days. But, the word "plan" itself seems a bit misleading, and same with the word "technique." At least right now, for me, neither the word "plan" nor "technique" seems to describe well what my plan is or what my technique is. And, that's a strange contradiction that I'm just going to accept.

To put it another way, in so far as I have a plan, I feel pretty certain that I will fail. And, in so far as I feel confident in my ability to allow into the unknown, I think I might just succeed (which is to say - succeed in the continuing process of waking up). But, it won't be by any skill or technique, but rather by the good grace of Nature's inviolable law alone.

Of course, this also could just be a bunch of useless rambling, because I really can't say what will happen or what I will do. So, I may have just wasted 30 minutes writing this, and you may have wasted your time reading it. Oh well. Ce La Vie.

See you on the other side.

The Middle of Imagination

I really have no idea what the following quote means, but I like it for some reason. And, heck... Ernie sung it. Also, I don't have much else to write about right now. Life is it's usual bonanza of ups and downs. And, I'm just as foolish as ever. Enjoy...

"Here in the middle of imagination, right in the middle of my head
I close my eyes and my room's not my room, and my bed isn't really my bed.
I look inside and discover things that are sometimes strange and new
And the most remarkable thoughts i think have a way of being true.

Here in the middle of imagination, right in the middle of my mind
I close my eyes and the night isn't dark and the things that I lose, I find.
Time stands still and the night is clear and the wind is warm and fair.
And the nicest place is the middle of imagination when I'm there."

- Ernie, Sesame Street

"Meditation is..."

I didn't have much to report, so I just thought I'd post this quote that I enjoyed...

"Meditation is not a personal search for personal experience. Meditation is not the search for a transcendental experience which will give you great energy to become more mischievous. Meditation is not personal achievement sitting next to God. Meditation then is a state of mind in which the "me" is absent and therefore that very absence brings order. And that order must exist to go any further. Without that order, things become silly."
- J. Krishnamurti

Portrait Of The Artist

"An artist must possess Nature. He must identify himself with her rhythm, by efforts that will prepare the mastery which will later enable him to express himself in his own language."
- Henri Matisse

Self Portrait