Jumping Off Trees in India

Here's a video that a friend took of me and some friends in India. This was day 39 of our 40 day retreat when we were first allowed to talk again, and we were invited to take boats out on the lake to get to know each other.

I ended up in a boat with 4 other men. Men! So, what do you think we did? Well, we sang funny songs, and then decided to jump out of a tree about 30 feet high above the water. In the video, I'm the last one climbing up the tree, and also the first to jump.

My friend Eskild took the video. He was also the guy in the room next to mine, so I saw him every day of the retreat as I had to walk through his room to get to the front door. The guy speaking French in the video was in the room on the other side of me. And the fourth guy was on the other side of the house. As we jump, we shout out: Asish Bhawan! (which was the name of the cottage we were living in.)

Oh, what fun we had.

My India Mandalas

I drew these two Mandalas during my last couple days in India. I thought it'd be a nice way to capture the essence of my four month India experience. I can't say there's any "meaning" to them, but I can say that when I drew them I was really feeling the depth of my experience in that moment. Anyway, it's nice to show a little more of my artwork here.

India Mandala #1



India Mandala #2

Travel Update: Bangkok Burning!

I'm in Bangkok for two days, and wouldn't you know it, but there is civil unrest in the city! I didn't even know until I saw many of the Thai people glued to the TV watching the most recent developments. Luckily, flights are still coming in and out of the town, although schools and government offices have been closed down today.

Doing a little research, apparently the "Red Shirts" are a political group claiming that the Thai democracy is not a democracy at all, but suffers from interference from the military and the royalty. So, they have shut down the city.

Also, on the Thai news front, I've spoken with a couple of shopkeepers here who say that business has not been good lately - not many tourists! Perhaps it's the global economy, or I suspect perhaps they may have also overdeveloped their Bangkok tourist area. In the seven years since I was last here, they have built up a lot of the Khao San Rd. area.

The guy next to me in the internet cafe is speaking on Skype in Italian - now that's a beautiful language!

So, this is life in Thailand... and so so chill! What a nice relaxing break from India. I've already eaten a young coconut, jackfruit, Pad Thai, and Khao San Banana Pancakes! Yum!

I do want to take a second to share my love of India before I close that chapter. What an insane and adventurous ride that was - sometimes literally - My trip ended with a race to the airport in an auto rickshaw going 50 mph down the highway with no seat-belt, and not even a door between me and the asphalt! India definitely didn't fail to challenge me, and kept me on my toes. I learned new lessons about what is really necessary in terms of comfort in life, and what can be done without. And, I got great joy really appreciating that all of us... Americans, Hindus, Sikhs, Tibetans, Nepali, etc. - we're all cut from the same cloth so to speak. It's one human impulse moving through us all. Be well, India.

Soon, I'll be back in California. If you are a Californian reading this and you want to meet up before my next adventure, let me know, as I really don't know how long I'll be around.

May these people here in Bangkok come to some peace and some progress in service of the Thai people.

Sattal Retreat with OpenDharma.org

"Welcome to heaven... at least... looks like heaven to me." These were the first words from Ajay Singh, one of three instructors, at the start of my 40 day retreat.

It was the opening talk. We were cozily situated in the stunning hill-top chapel at Sattal Christian Ashram. Mattresses were strewn across the floor so that each person could sit or lie down as ever they found most comfortable. Many were already lying down (including myself) and already deeply content. A soft breeze passed through the spacious windows which opened out to views of lush forest and green mountains. A large but simple wooden cross stood behind the three instructors, and only added to the peace and beauty of the space. With forty days ahead of us, there was a feeling of having all the time in the world. And in between the words, the only sound which could be heard was the gentle songs of the local birds - like a welcoming chorus from our hosts.

Yes, it looks like Heaven to me too!

The other two instructors were Jaya and Jess, and each brought a different face to the Dharma. I'm sure I can't do them justice, but I'll still attempt a short description.

Ajay comes from Lucknow, India. His joy is incredibly infectious, and there is nothing more fun than watching him break into a fit of laughter so strong that his eyes begin to water and he can no longer speak. His teachings are simple, and his favorite way to teach seems to be in translating some of his most loved Hindu texts for us. For the first 10 days, he read from Kabir, and for the last 30 days he read from the Yoga Vashishta.

Jaya comes from North Carolina, but calls home to both India and Spain. Her two year old son may have also been called a teacher as his presence brought a certain innocence to the retreat. What I remember most about Jaya is that on two random occasions I happened to make eye contact with her. Both occasions were of the nature that they could've been on of those awkward retreat moments where you end up communicating, but not sure if you're supposed to communicate, but not really sure what you're communicating, and not sure why you're even looking anyway. But, no. Instead, it happened in those moments that I was smiling, and so was she. And, it was just the most natural meeting of smiles and meeting of eyes that seemed to have a flavor of knowing to it - like what was expressed in the moment was just known very deeply without words. Or then again, maybe it was just a smile.

Jess comes from Australia and she brought a lot of enthusiasm to the retreat. I spoke with her in a couple of personal interviews and felt the warm support of a good friend. She also gave a radiant and brilliantly alive discourse on women, the feminine, tantra, and spirituality which led to some pretty wild dreams for me that night!

None of the teachers were Christian, of course, so the Jesus paraphernalia of the ashram brought it's own energy as well. In fact, on Day 15, we were asked to move out of the chapel and into a small barn to continue our questionable non-sectarian practices.

The schedule was pretty relaxed for the first ten days, and even more relaxed for the thirty after that. For me, it involved a lot of lying around. Also, occasional events were organized like a group walk through the hills, or singing in the hall every few nights. It was like my dream summer camp: A beautiful swimming lake, hiking, lying around, listening to good Dharma, and best of all - no talking!

There were also three meals a day provided of delicious Indian food.

The encouragement to meditate in the lying posture is somewhat unique to Open Dharma and what a treat! I can't say that it ever led to "Sloth, Torpor, and Laziness" as the strict Buddhists would claim. Too bad for them.

The ashram itself is on 340 acres of land and includes access to two lakes, one of which I swam in every other day. The other lake we took a boat ride on, on day 38. There were both brown and grey monkeys, dozens of birds (including parrots, eagles, and something that looked like Toucan Sam meets Woody the Woodpecker!) and even leopards, though no leopards were spotted by any of the retreatants. The huts were comfortable and reminiscent of an old Austrian monastery with stone and concrete walls and aging wooden furniture.

Living forty days with a group of people without talking can be quite an intense and also intimate experience. I felt a deep connection with everyone there even if I didn't say anything to them. In fact, I think the crowd was one of the most enjoyable of any retreat I've done so far - perhaps because of the level of commitment it takes to travel to India and spend 40 days of your life in silence.

I'm not sure if they will be doing this retreat again (given the situation with the chapel) but if so, I hope I can attend.

As always, I've posted my photos from Sattal in my Picasa album, but for more photos, you can see the album of my friend Dave (another American) who has also posted his photos online (some are shown here.)

Goenka's Dehra Dun Vipassana Center

I almost punched a monk. Well, not really, but the thought did cross my mind.

If you've been reading this far, you may notice that India and I have had our differences. And, maybe I've been a little hard on Mother India at times. So, without the harshness (and without punching anyone) I'll take this opportunity to celebrate the differences before I leave tomorrow.

I'll start by commending the tolerant meditators who patiently waited in line for every meal. This is the first and only time I've actually seen people stand in line in India. Beautiful! The only two men who cut in line were the two Hindu Sadhus (monks). I understand that probably there is some tradition behind this behavior, but I wondered why a monk wouldn't want to wait like us common folk. Do they have a busy schedule to attend to?

The dish washing station, however, was typical Indian chaos and this is where the fateful run-in went down. Being the irreverent westerner that I am, I was practicing non-cooperation with the pushing and crowding at the dish station (ala Ghandi's Satiyagraha). Instead, I decided to calmly wait for an opening to appear. The monk wasn't having it, though, and finding my presence to be quite an obstruction, he broke the rule of "no physical contact at the center" to push me aside and jump on the next available sink. I will admit, I got angry, but that's just par for the course.

To quickly contrast with California, people there have been known to freak out even if they see people shaking hands or (god forbid) hugging at the center! In fact, on the last day of this retreat some of the younger Indian men gave each other so much physical contact that it would appear to most Westerners as quite sexual.

My first impression of center (officially named Dhamma Salila) was that of a labor camp. Rules were posted quite prominently, the assistant teacher was commanding with his instructions, and the bells were rung loudly. It looked quite oppressive and not in line with a path of compassion and wisdom. So, for the first two days I contemplated an escape. But, eventually I came to realize that no one would follow the rules well anyway and it was mostly just a show. My observation is that Indian's firstly are so saturated with spirituality already, and secondly they tend toward a sheep and shepherd mentality with their "guru," so this may explain the extra hoo-haa about discipline.

To add to the chaos, there was a group of young men attending who weren't really there of their own free will. The Suriya Foundation (manufacturers of light bulbs, etc.) apparently includes a Goenka course as a mandatory part of their job training program - No course, no job! This bathc of trainees had all recently completed graduate degrees and were in training for management positions. Their three month, 24 hour per day training program also included a seven day naturopathy fast! Once trained and secure in their job, these bachelors would then e ready to settle into an arranged marriage. It all seemed like a Eastern version of the 1950's American dream.

There were almost 30 of them and none seemed to have gotten much from the course. A few, at least, said that they might want to come back some day on their own to really give it a fair trial.

There was, thus, a large range in the level of seriousness of the students. At the end, people came to tell me, "you were 100% committed. I only gave maybe 70-80%," and other such comments. Who knew there was a ranking system? I actually was pretty disciplined, except with regards to lying down and sleeping. These two activities seem to help my meditation a lot.

Dhamma Salila was much smaller than the California Vipassana Center, but the California one is known as one of the largest and most comfy. In Dehra Dun, they do have the addition of a pagoda, and this got me excited. It's a building with many small (3ft. X 6ft.) cells for isolated meditation.

My cell in the pagoda faced in on the center cell which (I dare say) had a creepy resemblence to a peep show somehwere in San Francisco. The middle cell of the entire circular complex had a white thrown where I image only teachers are allowed to sit. I didn't have to put quarters in to see, though, I just looked through the small metal grated vent at the bottom of the door separating our two cells. Other than this, I found it to be quite a tranquil place, perhaps like a holding cell on the spaceship of some advanced alien race. It was painted white with a small dome at the top where light would shine in. The best time for the pagoda was about 4:30am-5:30am when it was pitch black, and very queit.

The food was good too, and rumored to be better than other Indian centers.

I couldn't imagine if this had been my first Goenka course. I think the Indian idosyncracies would have broken me. And, I don't know if I'll do another Goenka retreat in India.

Overall, the experience was just beautiful. Dhamma Salila is on the bank of a small river (which you must wade through on your way out,) and there are a number of mango trees and a tall banyan tree on the property. They run the courses on about $3 per person per day which is impressive. And, I should say that I met some incredibly friendly and delightful people - despite the cultural differences and the repetitive "What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?" May they all grow in Dhamma.

Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam. Be happy.

Cushion Report: Fifty Days of Wu Wei

I like this word "wu wei." It's from the Chinese and is translated as non-doing, non-action, or non-interference. Maybe I like it because it reminds me of when I was about 21 and I fell in love with the Tao Te Ching. I still think if I had to be stuck on an island with only one book, I might choose that one.

The Master does nothing,
yet nothing is left undone.
A foolish man is always doing,
Yet much remains to be done.

- Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching (38)

As this story unfolds, you may see the significance of this concept, but let's start at the start. I didn't journal everyday, but rather every 5 days for the first 40 days and not at all while on the Goenka retreat (as per Goenka's rules.) So, this will be quite a condensed version of the vast lifetime of experience that occurs in 50+ days.

Day 0: By great fortune, the retreat began for me almost instantly upon my arrival, and by that I mean the inner process began. Within a few hours of just being on the gorgeous property, I found myself in deep surrender. I willingly gave up all expectations for the next 40 days and decided to just let whatever happens be whatever happens. It was like there wasn't a single drop of desire in me that could have imposed my will on the next 40 days. Or put another way, it was like looking at the trees, and the mountains and saying "I'm yours!" Thus, the retreat was underway.

Day 5: "Experience. Everything is experience. No control, no forcing, letting go. Layer after layer. At times wild ride, at times quite plain. Just being, just sitting, just walking."

I had an image of those folks you hear about in the cornfields of the mid-west who form welcoming crews for the aliens. I was the welcoming crew, except not for aliens but for the inner experience of Truth.

Day 10: "Lots of 'dream work.' The dream-life boundary not so strong. Powerful dreams, lucid dreams, deep states of knowing consciousness. Still enjoying myself."

The crisp immediate presence with moment-to-moment experience would come and go. My slogan became: "Don't force it." (Thanks Damian!) and with that I was experience a lot of ease.

Day 10 was a transition day because some people only came for 10 days and some people were arriving for the next 30. This turbulence proved to be the start of a new chapter in the retreat.

Day 15: "Long five days - seems like long time since I last wrote... just kinda walking around, eating, etc. Same 'ol same 'ol. Thinking a lot too... Mind/thought/figuring out, etc. is becoming more and more obvious of it's uselessness. Like unemployed mind - going out of business. More and more just being with direct experience.
'But it doesn't make sense' <-- exactly!
Not much "makes sense" to my mind over the last few days, but I'm just kinda going with it... Feels like waking up, but can't say that I totally enjoy it. I'm still really liking this idea: "slowly and quietly, just going about my day, going about the practice." No frills - simplicity - the simplest thing - Life."

The quote above "slowly and quietly..." was from an observation Christopher Titmuss made about the monks and nuns who seemed to make the most progress while he was in the monastery.

At this point, I wasn't really going on any "meditation instructions" so to speak. My practice basically looked like how I described it above, that simple.

Day 20: "Too much to write. Days 10-18 were tough - got in some mind loops... More trust in experience - less dependence on mental constructs... only 3 weeks left. he he..."

This trust comment in my journal is significant. Much of the retreat (and even my daily practice now) seems to be around learning to trust the actuality of my being rather than the self I think of myself as through mental images. A quick digression here...

Reading A.H. Almaas, it seems that ego psychology now posits that one reason we may have such a large brain which creates mental constructs, self-other images, and ultimately an ego, may be for the survival of the infant. That is to say that for an infant to be separated from his/her mother might be quite difficult to bear, but if the child has an image of "mother" in mind then no loss is detected.

The individual, that is the self-image, is supported psychically by the presence of the mother's image; thus the child does not feel alone when physically separate from the mother. He feels supported by the presence of the mother's image, which gives him the sense of security which allows him to be away from her, and makes it safer to regard her as an autonomous person.
- A.H. Almaas, The Pearl Beyond Price

The only problem is that this sense of security is based on an image and thus either one will always live life as an image or approximation of themselves, or this deeper insecurity must be addressed.

So, that's my digression, for which you can forgive me if it was overly-intellectual and wordy. In reality, I really was just kinda walking around, sitting, eating, and lying in bed.

"Day 25:
Sublime
Being as is. Listening inside.
I'm starting to hear myself.
She's calling me home.
"Trust," she says.
Trust.
Everyday, the mind game grows weaker.
I know the way.
Just Be. Just Be. Just Be."

Seeing as how my journal entry is a poem, and how I refer to myself in the feminine, it may be self-explanatory that I was near the peak of my trippiness for this retreat. (And, it's not without a small amount of shyness that I reprint my poem here.)

Perhaps it's a good time to mention that there was a very feminine quality to my Open Dharma retreat. Perhaps due to the nature of the retreat and the instructors (which hopefully I can write about later.) My relationship with the feminine in me grew significantly. I'll also briefly mention that when I got to the Goenka retreat (the last 10 days), I noticed some movement back toward the masculine. But, this whole masculine-feminine topic is way too much to get into now.

Day 30: "It feels like the retreat just started. Day 26-29 were a bit rough and stormy. Today, I'm taking rest. Day off. Recuperate. A lot of stuff has happened, but none of it seems like such a big deal. Right now, I'm fantasizing about living in a Japanese Monastery... still here. Not doing much... I love just being. Loving wu wei. Loving love. Still such DEEP longings. Belly longings. So many wants/So many dreams and Desires."

Worth noting in this journal entry is the word "rest." Throughout the 40 days, I became much more proficient at resting, and I'm continuing the practice even today. At times, it's quite difficult.

Day 35: "35 days!... Heaven here. Saw a snake today, and the waterfall. Too hard to explain how this has all unfolded. What do I usually say to this journal?
Nothing Special?
Living my life - ups and downs.
Coming to know myself more and more.
Loving meditation, and realizing more that "being" is meditation is presence is my nature... so really loving meditation is loving myself, loving the truth of my being.
Some shitty days have come and gone. It's hard to say I'm "progressing," as life still feels quite ordinary. But, I am coming to know myself and to know the images which have played the role of "myself" for quite some time. Funny, I'm also realizing how this path really leads nowhere. Like, there's really nothing in it for me. The meaning of Life is Life itself (not me, he he...) Looks like a lot of work still ahead of me."

Day 40: "Wow... uh... what? That was forty days? ummm... huh? *Time*..?
I just talked with Ajay. I said it seems like both:
- I've arrived! I'm here!
- AND... keep going!
He said: "Yes, keep flying with both the feathers."
It's a weird feeling. Doesn't feel particularly special in any way - just feels "ok"... I'm leaving tomorrow, but so far, even "leaving" doesn't feel like "leaving." It just feels like change - more life.
... The silence is a little unnerving. And in fact, it makes sense why I spend my life trying to fill the silence - because there's really nothing there. There's really nothing when the noise fades away. Just Being. And, then, when the time is right, things come. And then they go. And that's just life. Just here. That's all."

And with that my 40 day retreat ended, but I saw no reason to stop there. I got on an overnight train to Dehra Dun and started a ten-day Goenka retreat the next day.

Days 42-44 (Day 0-2 for Goenka):
I didn't like the center much at all when I arrived. (I hope to write about it in another post. Mostly the issue was body pain.) And, I spent the first 2 days considering a run for the exit. I decided that I would leave on one and only one condition: kindness toward myself. No other excuse could make me budge, but if the strict ascetic discipline of the Goenka center even for one moment required me to compromise my own self-kindness, I would've left.

Happily, however, I learned by day 45 (day 3) that the harshness was mostly in appearance only. And by day 3, I was able to settle into , my own rhythm which, though still strict, was sufficiently loving for the needs of my mind and body.

Due to the extra restrictions of Goenka's courses, I had a more intense experience there than in Sattal. I found myself entering some rather altered states and to be honest, I don't even remember day 3-7 (day 45-49).

By around Day 50 (Day 8), thoughts of the outside world started to come in... checking email, blogging, etc. and I slowly transitioned to the end (Day 11/54)

No notes for my Goenka retreat, but it continued along the same threads. I did my best to follow Goenka's technique (observing bodily sensations), while still staying true to my maxim: "Don't force it." (thanks Damian). Mostly, I stayed within the peculiarities of his technique but had quite an interesting experience perhaps around Day 5 (day 47):
Quite spontaneously, my mind started meditating according to another technique from another tradition (Mahasi-style noting). I actually made an attempt to stop it as I wanted to stay in the spirit of "when in Goenkaland, do as the Goenkans." To my surprise, I was unable to stop it, and instead I surrendered to it and found myself having quite a profound meditative experience. But, this did beg the question: "Who's doing the meditating here?" Since it was occurring against my will, who's will was it?

This inquiry is still unfolding for me now in my daily practice, and I think it will continue to unfold as well.

At any rate, I've tried to give a fairly honest and open account here of my experience, but of course, it can only be partial. May it be of some value.

I'll defer to Ghandi to give this last point a better treatment:

I find myself confronted with a fresh problem. What things to mention and what to omit... If things that are relevant are omitted, truth will be dimmed. And it is difficult to decide straightaway what is relevant, when I am not even sure about the relevancy of writing this story... I know that I do not set down in this story all that I remember. Who can say how much I must give and how much omit in the interest of truth? And what would be the value in a court of law of the inadequate ex parte evidence being tendered by me of certain events of my life?...

I, therefore, wonder for a moment whether it might not be proper to stop writing... But so long as there is no prohibition from the voice within, I must continue writing.

- Ghandi, from his autobiography

Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu
Well said, Ghandi. Well said.

Ghandi Writes About Rishikesh...

"I was charmed with the natural scenery about Hrishikesh and the Lakshman Jhula, and bowed my head in reverence to our ancestors for their sense of the beautiful in Nature and for their foresight in investing beautiful manifestations of Nature with a religious significance.

But, the way in which men were using their beauty spots was far from giving me peace... people dirtied the roads and the fair banks of the Ganges. They did not even hesitate to desecrate the sacred water of the Ganges. It filled me with agony to see people performing natural functions on the thoroughfares and riverbanks, when they could easily have gone a little farther away from public haunts. Lakshman Jhula was, I saw, nothing but an iron suspension bridge over the Ganges... the iron bridge is entirely out of place in such surroundings and mars their beauty.

The Svargashram which one reaches after crossing the bridge was a wretched place, being nothing but a number of shabby-looking sheds of galvanized iron sheets... [The aspirants] who were in the main building gave one an unfavorable impression."
- Ghandi, 1915

I went to the Ganga View Cafe again for breakfast this morning, and no joke - the same guy, the same discourse about Shiva's urine! (This time for a different woman, who sounded maybe to be Israeli or perhaps European.)

I think Ghandi did this town justice with his description, but if only he could see it now in this age of plastic! Yikes! The photo above is of one of the unofficial riverside dumps.

Travel Update: Getting Out of Here!

"Drink it! Just drink it!" the young American with dreadlocks exclaims with great enthusiasm. He is sharing his wisdom with a young European woman over breakfast at the Ganga View Cafe, Rishikesh. What's he talking about? Urine, of course!

"Shiva gave a discourse to OUR BODIES," he continues. "Shiva... GOD... is talking to OUR BODIES... telling us that this is very secret knowledge... it's like a magical elixir... our bodies make a MAGICAL ELIXIR!" The discussion continues for a good ten minutes as he expounds on all the wonderful benefits of drinking your own urine and how secret and magical this knowledge is, until finally the honest question is posed to him: "Do you do it?"
"No... 'cause I smoke."
"Why is that?" the innocent European woman responds...
"Smoking's got all sorts of poisons. Otherwise, I'd drink it everyday!" He answers.

Welcome to Rishikesh. I won't even try to argue the logical insanity of his discourse, but I'll leave it for you all to muse over.

I leave the cafe, and while passing by the numerous cows who graze in the streets and alleyways, I come to the jeep station. Here, jeeps cram full of Hindu families to take them up into the mountains to visit some holy Hindu sight (forgive me for not knowing which one.) As the jeeps speed off, there is often one or two older women in the back vomiting or preparing to vomit from motion sickness - the price paid for a trip for God. No one seems to care.

I keep walking, and I see a woman in tears, blood running from her nose, holding a baby in her left arm. The blood is gushing too, not just a couple drops. Her husband holds the other baby in his arm and makes weak attempts to cheer her up - so weak that I suspect perhaps he has played some role in causing this bloody nose. But, that's just speculation. Whatever is going on... again, no one seems to care.

Welcome, again, to Rishikesh. And, this is one of the nicer towns in India! It's actually quite pretty to look out over the Ganges, through the swarms of flies, or walk across the pedestrian bridges. It's probably about 100 degrees in the daytime here, which adds to the pungent rotting fumes in the alleyways.

The good news - I'm getting out of here! Not to say that Rishikesh doesn't have some charm. The Beatles Ashram is pretty cool, and there are some nice tourist conveniences like Italian restaurants and German bakeries. And, it's not to say that the challenge of India really confronts one's concepts of the way things "should" be. But, I'm gladly accepting that it's time to move on.

I was planning to stay in India until the end of my visa in June, but given the circumstances with my grandfather, I will be heading back to the US in a few days.

Ghandi has this to say:

I have found by experience that man makes his plans to be often upset by God, but, at the same time, where the ultimate goal is the search of truth, no matter how a man's plans are frustrated, the issue is never injurious and often better than expected.
- M.K. Ghandi

So, here are my tentative travel plans:
- Rishikesh to Delhi May 16th
- Delhi to Bangkok overnight May 16-17
- Bangkok for two days (oh, curry and mangoes!)
- Bangkok to San Francisco May 19
- San Francisco to Berlin, Massachusetts (And return to SF) May 28 - May 31

After that, the door is open for God to frustrate me further, though of course, my plan is to continue to pursue my meditation practice as priority number one.

For My Grandfather

As I stood in the bookstore, holding "The Devotional Poems of Mirabai," I flipped through another couple pages when my eyes landed on this poem:

Whatever thou seest twixt earth and sky
Will perish.
...
Take no pride in the body,
It will soon be mingling with the dust.
This life is like the sporting of sparrows,
It will end with the onset of night.

- Mirabai

It seems that Mirabai was singing to me again. Earlier that day, I had discovered that on May 5th, my grandfather Russell Hawkins passed away. He reached the impressive age of 95, and was well loved. I feel grateful for having him in my life.

So, Grandfather, I chose another Mirabai verse to share with you now. Please enjoy...

Go to that impenetrable realm

That Death himself trembles to look upon.

There plays the fountain of love

With swans sporting on its waters.

- Mirabai

My family has organized a gathering in memorial of my grandfather and also in honor of the passing of his generation on my mom's side of the family. Many friends and family will attend, and yes... so will I. In 9 days, I will be on an airplane back to the US!

More on my travel plans soon, but for now:

"Annica!" (things change)

With Love,

Daniel

Mirabai Sings For Me

I started this journey with a longing for simplicity: sit, breathe, and be present from moment to moment throughout the day. I really wasn't looking to replace the clutter of busy San Francisco life with the clutter of India's spiritual scene - more gurus, more techniques, more fast tracks to Enlightenment. In fact, I was a little resistant to come to India for this reason, and I was admittedly resistant to the world of Hinduism, Babas, and Swamis.

I walked into the English language bookstore yesterday near the Lakshman Jula Bridge, and after a couple of minutes of just looking at all the books, I thought to myself: "Wow, human beings really like to write stuff!" - more gurus, more catchy titles, more books books books. What was I doing here?

Well, a certain Hindu saint has been helping to melt my hardened resistance, and her name is Mirabai. She was part of the Bhakti (devotional) renaissance of India in the 15th and 16th centuries. I found a book of her poems in the corner of the store and soon discovered why I was in the bookstore.

I read the following poem and thought that it was the perfect description of the last couple months of my life (although maybe exaggerated a bit with poetic license). She has saved me the trouble of finding words and now she sings to me...

O ye saints and holy men,
I have seen the world and it's ways
I left brothers and relatives
And all I possessed.
Dispensing with worldly shame,
I came to sit with the holy men.
I felt joy in the company of the devotees,
On beholding the world I wept.
I planted the creeper of love
And watered it with my tears.
I churned the curds
And drew forth the ghee:
The butter-milk I rejected.
The King sent me a cup of poison,
I drank it down with joy.
Mira's love has set in deeply,
She accepts whatever comes.

I must give credit to Open Dharma for softening me to the joy of a truly "open" dharma. During the 40 day Sat Tal retreat, they read from Mirabai, Khabir, the Yoga Vashisht, as well as many other non-Indian saints and sages. I'm now enjoying all the diversity of these teachers as music against the backdrop of a still present simplicity.

I'll quickly give some of the meaning of this poem for me, even though I could just let the meaning stand on it's own for you. Here goes...

"ye saints and holy men" - All of you out there reading this
"I left relatives" - yup
"I came to sit with the holy men." - Wonderful teachers I've been blessed to meet so far!
"the company of the devotees," - oh, such lovely friends too!
"On beholding the world I wept." - Free Tibet!
"watered it with my tears." - Not many tears on this recent retreat (except maybe day 29)
"I churned the curds" - Meditation
"the ghee" - Wisdom
"The butter-milk" - The more-than-enoughness of life.
"The King sent me a cup of poison," - The 'gifts' of the world, like stepping in cow shit or the smell of burning plastic.
"I drank it down with joy." - Oh, India!
"Mira's love has set in deeply," - Post-retreat bliss
"She accepts whatever comes." - Oh, India!

And, coincidentally, right now, in the internet cafe, they are playing a really funny song that the teachers decided to play at the completion of the 40 day retreat, the lyrics shout out enthusiastically: All Izz Well!
Here it is, enjoy~

Last Words from Rishikesh...

Prudence, focused on meditation, stayed in her room for the majority of their stay. Lennon, who was worried that she was depressed, wrote this song for her, inviting her to "come out to play". Prudence explained years later that she was just trying to take Transcendental Meditation seriously. She said in Mojo magazine: "They were trying to be cheerful, but I wished they'd go away. I don't think they realized what the training was all about." - History of the song "Dear Prudence", (Wikipedia)

I'm in Rishikesh, and to be honest, going to see the Beatles ashram was about equally moving for me as seeing where the Buddha attained enlightenment.

Bodh Gaya was a little detached because there is a huge temple and thousands of pilgrims - not at all like the forest solitude which must have appealed to the Buddha 2500 years ago. The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Ashram, however, looks much today as I imagine it looked 42 years ago when the Beatles made their pilgrimage there. It's very easy to imagine them walking down to the water and bathing in the Ganges after writing one of the 48 songs they wrote while staying there.

John Lennon is definitely one of my heroes. Maybe that's why I feel so inspired here.

But, right now, I'm feeling a little bit more like Prudence. The crowds are flowing in to Rishikesh (and Haridwar) for the big bathing day tomorrow as part of the Kumbh Mela celebration. It's packed, and I'm going right into the heart of it this evening to get to the train station. Rumors are that vehicles can only get within 3-7 kilometers of the train station, and we'll end up having to walk the rest of the way through swarms of pilgrims. I've got a couple travel buddies with me, though, to keep the spirits light.

Here's my own version of the song:

"Dr. Prudence,
Won't you stay inside and meditate... hey heyyy....

Dr. Prudence,
I like to meditate too... hoo hoo hoooooo....

Dr. Prudence,
I'm going to go meditate now.
For about 40 days... day hay hay hayyyy....."

John, please don't be mad at me.

Travel Update: Leaving Town Again

One last hike while up in the mountains took me to St. John's Church of the Wilderness. What a way to say goodbye to this beautiful mountain town. It's hard moving on sometimes, and this is one place where I will always have a little piece of my heart.

The Church of the Wilderness brought up a lot of metta (love) for Christianity, despite it's flaws. And also I was feeling a lot of love for the contribution that religion has made to architecture. I think, maybe, spiritual architecture may be one of the coolest achievements of mankind!

So, I'm getting on a bus tonight - third class, government bus. I think it's hit or miss whether I will regret this or not. It's a 12 hour overnight ride - just hope I have a friendly seat-mate.

I will end up in Rishikesh at some point tomorrow morning, where I'll be staying for one night. I'm excited about Rishikesh, as it's where the Beatles went to study with the great Maharishi. There's a bunch of yoga, ashrams and hippies there now.

I'll spend one night there, and then I'm going through Hardiwar on my way out of town the next day - on an overnight train to Sattal for my retreat.

Haridwar is currently hosting the 2010 Kumbh Mella, which is said to be the largest spiritual gathering on the planet (sometimes up to 10 million pilgrims). I wanted to see it, but not really be in it. Too many crowds for my taste. So, I'm happy that I get to simply pass through for the day.

Let's hit the road!

We Go Where Eagles Dare

"We walk the streets at night, we go where eagles dare!" - The Misfits

Ok, I'm pretty sure the Misfits weren't talking about anything like hiking a tall mountain, but they were one of my ex-wife's favorite bands, so I took a liking to their music. Their song, "Where Eagles Dare," shares the name with a 1968 WWII movie and originally comes from Shakespeare's Richard the III:

"The world is grown so bad, that wrens make prey where eagles dare not perch". - Shakespeare

I feel pretty sure that Shakespeare wasn't talking about walking in the Himilayas either. Oh well. I like the phrase. And, personally, I go where eagles dare.

In fact, there is something about vast mountain ranges and untouched wildernesses (where even eagles dare not perch) that have always sparked a deep interest in me. When I first heard about Alaska as a young teen, I became obsessed with it and decided I must go. When I first heard about the Himilayas (which wasn't really until about age 24) the same interest arose. "I must go."

However, years passed and I still haven't been deep in either of these mountain wildernesses. Perhaps, it's time. I just got my first taste, like a small sip for a thirsty man.

I made the 18km roundtrip trek from Mcleod Ganj (1770m/5800ft) to Triund (2900m/9514ft) and arrived at the head of the Dhauladhar mountain range!

At the top I met some friendly monks, originally from Tibet, who were up on the mountain just enjoying the day. I pointed to the peak and said "Big Mountain." They laughed at me! I think they were also taking a small sip to quench the thirst of living in a flat flat India. The monk with the umbrella said "India's like the palm of your hand," and then he looked at his palm and blew a gust across it as if he had just blown away all of India with one Himilayan wind.

In the ongoing comedy of my health saga, I managed to get severely sunburned on the trek. Doh! "Oh, You Body!" Still smiling though.

I met a monk in saffron robes (Thai?) on the way up who gave the advice: "Slow slow." I took the advice and got up in about 5 hours. I came down in less than three, though.

Amongst Rhododendron groves and butterflies, the wilderness highlight was probably when I got close enough to the white bird I'd been tracking to realize it was a vulture! (apparently "the Lammergeier or Bearded Vulture – known for its enormous wingspan (up to 3m) and habit of dropping bones onto rocks from a height to split them for the marrow inside." - see my source at the bottom of this post.)

Someone told me that it was an Eagle, but I knew it wasn't, so I'd been calling it "The Albatross" for fun. Now, I can rest and recuperate before setting out in search of the next Great Elusive Albatross!

[For Bird Identification, I just found this cool post by a birdwatcher who traveled this area of India. That's why I think, in fact, that these are Golden Eagles here.]

Free Tibet! - Uprising Day

It's Uprising Day - the 51st anniversary of the 1959 uprising in Lhasa, Tibet.

If you don't know the story of Tibet, now is a really good time to educate yourself. I don't know much myself, but from what I've learned so far, it's brutal and disgusting what China has done and continues to this day. Other than cruel tortures, and blatant human rights violations, they have forced Tibetans to give up their robes and wear Maoist uniforms, they've forced them to stop practicing their religion, and have even done things like make them use their treasured scriptures as soles for their shoes! Messed up!

And, this is China! You know... the country that makes all that stuff you buy which says "made in China" on it! You know... one of the major superpowers in the world! (By the way, I'm officially boycotting "made in China" goods starting today)

If you thought George W. Bush was bad, well... at least we've got democracy. At least you're not wearing a uniform right now and forced to pledge your allegiance to the nation.

Really, I'm not an expert on this, but please exercise your right to free information (which China also doesn't have), and educate yourself on Tibet today! (In China, the citizens probably won't ever even see a blog post like this.) Allowing the truth to shine through is probably one of the best remedies for this horrendous situation.

Not to mention that the Dalai Lama has been trying to get into peace talks for 30 years, not even asking for an independent Tibet. All he's asking for is for the brutality to end. All he's asking for is for the Chinese to actually live in line with the principles set out in their own constitution.

If it seems like I'm chastising you...
It's Uprising Day! Speak Out!

Here are some resources I've found in a 2 minute google search:

Human Rights in Tibet

US relationship with China and Tibet

How You Can Help


~Peace~

Readers Write: Compassion in The World

I've been writing some long email responses to some of the readers of my blog (ie. friends and family), and since I already did the writing, I figured I could put some of it here (edited some) and share the message with everyone. Hopefully I won't upset those who wrote to me. This one's from my Dad. He writes:

Hi Daniel,
Happy Losar – belatedly.

...Here is something you can find when you look up the city on Wikipedia: "Dharamshala" is a Hindi word (derived from Sanskrit) that is a compound of dharma and shālā . An approximate translation into English would be 'spiritual dwelling' or, more loosely, 'sanctuary'.

Cool! I just read that the Dalai Lama's ideal goal for Tibet would be that it becomes a "global peace sanctuary!" A place for human's and animal's to live simply, compassionately, and at peace. I love that idea!

...On Saturday at a dinner, I sat across from a fellow who talked about being red-green color blind which got me thinking about that feature again. I wonder how you see the myriad colors of India. Your photos are wonderful. I found a web site that simulates different color blindness visions

I loaded the image, 17th_karmapa_funny_face_losar.jpg, into the simulator and tried the different options. Tibetan red is a nice dark color; good contrasts. When you get back maybe you can help me see as you see. At any rate, in any hue rendering your photos are wonderful.

Thanks. Nothing like some fatherly appreciation!

Yesterday on the radio I heard a piece on the new Delhi ragpickers. Trash pickup is being privatized and at the moment is displacing ragpickers with private contractors – there are hopefully fixes to get the ragpickers employed or running such businesses. One person interviewed used to make 360 rupees a day and could afford to send his kids to school. Now he makes 100 rupees a day and has his whole family helping him. I think 100 rupees is about $2 a day. Yipes.

I have been reading an India atlas and looking up information on Bihar. Last year was a horrible drought year e.g. "With crops failing, 3.3 mn people in Bihar risk death by hunger" November 30th, 2009 ICT by IANS By Sahil Makkar. And, another article: "Even after 50 years of planned development more than half of the population of Bihar are classified as poor. According to All India Statistical Data 1999-2000, 54.63% of total population of Bihar survive in absolute poverty i.e., they are living below poverty line. It means, they do not even receive the minimum basic needs of livelihood." I realize it must be a painful experience, but you are really there in the middle of this intractable situation.

Bihar was incredibly poor, yes. It was announced during the retreat that on one very cold night in Bodh Gaya, 4 villagers had died of the cold. Too poor for proper warmth and shelter.

I am glad you saw the Dalai Lama. He is full of joy and good sense. I think about what it is like to struggle for justice for your whole life time. You know you will not succeed in your lifetime. And still to have such joy, humor, practicality, and intensity of purpose. I think he is one of the most remarkable people in the world. And, he was tapped for the job. He did not fill out an application. But he stepped up to the job.

Love,
Dad

About the Dalai Lama, I totally agree with you, and it has been a wonderful experience both to see him, and to see the impact he's had on the people of this village. On the flip side, I have been exploring another issue which is the issue of "spiritual celebrity." I heard it said by one teacher in the west that we (as westerners) don't know how to deal with the concept of a "guru" or a spiritual teacher. We don't have a good model for it. (Probably there are lots of poor models for it worldwide, but specifically speaking about the west...) We have preachers, and we have the pope. But, perhaps more influential, we have celebrities! And, so, this teacher was suggesting that a lot of people who want to live a good life may fall back on the celebrity model when they don't know what else to do.

I think it'd be a shame to say that the love of the Dalai Lama for the Tibetan people is any better or more important or more dazzling than say the love of a mother for her child, or the love of a child for bananas! I'm not saying that you were suggesting such a hierarchy, Dad, but this aura of celebrity does seem to surround the Dalai Lama, and I think it's disempowering for the heart of the individual. Anyway, enough said about that.

Thanks for sharing, Dad, and I hope you don't mind me passing on the message with others.

Photos from Losar and More

I've finished uploading all my photos from Bodh Gaya, Sarnath, and Varanasi. (Click to see!) I particularly wanted to share a couple of the Losar photos and Varanasi photos here on my blog before I move on to writing about Dharamsala. (By the way, I saw the Dalai Lama today, but that's another story) These first few photos are from Losar, the Tibetan New Year, where I saw the 17th Karmapa; the rest are Varanasi.

I've been in India for about six weeks now, though it seems like longer. I've had quite an adventure.

Bodh Gaya and Sarnath were both inspiring destinations for my pilgrimage, with the power of living devotion that I witnessed. With every monk or nun that I see, with every color of robe, and with the ordinary Buddhists and meditators, I feel an instant kinship. I feel a sense of being fellow transcendental explorers, not limited by the labels of our various cultures, traditions, or upbringings.

Varanasi brought me closer to Hinduism and the Indian culture which has been a challenge at times. Sarnath is a quiet and spread out village on the outskirts of Varanasi. As my photo albums might suggest, it was slightly less photogenic than the historic big city itself.

I enjoyed the colors and sights in Varanasi and the lack of auto traffic on the steps and alleyways that line the sacred Ganges river. But, two days was enough for me.

The Dharma Gathering was fun, and the community a great support. Perhaps I make friends too easily, as it's taking some discipline to stay with the solitude and the inward journey (which has been even more colorful and full of treasures than the traveling itself.)

I think the last six months of 2009 spoiled me, while I sat in the pristine hills of California. No matter where you go, it's hard to beat the dark red richness of the manzanita on a wet winter day. I still can't believe whatever winds of fate have sent me to India! What a place to be.


I'm taking lots of time now in Mcleod Ganj for quiet contemplation, and I plan to do a short self-retreat of a few days. Later on in March, I'll be heading back into retreat again for forty days (oh yes, I'm meditation crazy!) at Sattal ashram which is about 18 hours bus ride from here.

Anyway, enjoy the photos, and feel free to comment either on my blog here or on my picassa albums.