Cushion Report: November Noting Practice

I spent the last few days on meditation retreat at home with the intention to do rigorous noting practice (vipassana) morning to night with a bigger picture goal of trying to solve this human condition I find myself in. This is an edited report of what I experienced and some things I noticed in the practice. Hopefully it may be of some use to someone out there reading it, or if you have a comment to add, please let me know.

With regards to the noting practice specifically, I was inspired a phrase I read recently: “keep going with this single-minded no-brains-required noting task,” from a meditation teacher named Tarin. After reading that, I decided to try a dumbed-down noting practice... to really suck all the brains out of it, so to speak... just to see what would happen. I liked the initial results and decided to give it a test run on a three-day retreat.

My formal noting practice moves incredibly slow, as I find the actual skill of creating verbal notes in my mind to be one which probably must be developed like a muscle. I would say that I was able to note at a rate of about 1-2 notes per second for about 60% of the day on day 1. That number fell to about 30% of the day on day 2, and about 40% of the day on day 3. The rate never went much slower than 1-2 per second, unless I got restless, tense, or stressed in which case I would lose focus so much that I would slow down as much as to 1 per 10 minutes or so. But, luckily my actualism practice has really cut back the amount of time I spend being restless, tense or stressed. And, that enabled me to enjoy the process enough to be able to maintain this more rapid noting pace (1-2 per second). Any attempt to go faster than 2 per second usually resulted in a blur where I would again lose focus and my noting would have no correlation to what was actually being experienced.

That was for what I might call my “formal” or “conscious” noting practice. Now, also in the “background” so to speak, I was often noticing at a rate of perhaps 10-20 per second. And what I mean by that is that, given all the mindfulness training I've already done, my mind sometimes automatically becomes mindful of experience at a very rapid pace. But, I could hardly say that “I was noting.” It seems more accurate to say that experience arises and I notice it with some clarity and precision at a rate of about 10-20 notices per second. Perhaps I could call this “noticing” practice. This is more of a background, and automatic awareness practice that seems like a blend of Goenka and a lot of the other awareness stuff I've done in the past.

Overall, it still seems to me that the most effective vipassana practice that I've done so far isn't noting or body-scanning, but more along the lines of what Christopher Titmuss taught when I was on retreat with him, and that was to take a genuine interest in what's happening right now. I say this, because I try to really inquire what is working here and what isn't? What is the actual vipassana technique? How can I actually get Vipassana to work full-time – and not have it occasionally become some lifeless task?

I think it comes back to sincerity again. Vipassana seems to be a certain blend of awareness and involvement which leads to the moment in which experience is just seen for what it is – completely, and clearly. And, it seems that getting that blend just right is a matter of sincerity more than a matter of technique. I could be wrong, I suppose, but I just can't seem to figure it out any other way. To put this into context, I'd say rather than I was noting 60% of the day on day 1, it'd be more accurate that perhaps I had a sincere alignment with Vipassana for 60% of the day on day 1. Make sense?

Overall, my experience is that the noting technique is useful, perhaps even more so than body-scanning, but the biggest barrier to success doesn't seem to lie in which technique is used, but the barrier to success is in actually doing the technique. That is still the greatest mystery for me... how to actually do the doing of the technique? Or, how to do the doing of the practice? I find it incredibly frustrating, and also somewhat fascinating in it's mystery. Right now, it seems that I just seem to go through some kind of natural cycle where all of a sudden, things align and boom... I'm actually doing the technique... and then all of a sudden boom... it's gone and I'm just trying to do the technique. And, then I try and try and try and nothing works and then all of a sudden boom... I'm doing it.... and then boom... I'm not doing it. What I would love is to be able to just turn it on, let it go and do the thing until it's done. But, I haven't yet discovered how to do that. Maybe I'm way off here.

Regarding the fruit of the practice, I'm still uncertain as to what exactly the effect is on my psyche. Clearly this practice brings awareness and dispels illusions. Both of those are most welcome. Clearly the awareness gained leads to greater sensibility. But, what's still unclear for me is with regards to the human condition within myself (fear, misery, anger, malice, greed, hatred, delusion, etc.). Does this practice lead to freedom from the human condition via dis-identification with impermanent phenomenon, and therefore to take the juice out of fear, misery, anger, malice, etc.? Or does it actually bring these phenomenon to an end, such that they no longer arise? I'd prefer the later. The inquiry for me continues not just into what is it that makes vipassana work?... but also what does vipassana do? And for that matter all other kinds of meditation, etc. Whatever the results, I'm quite throughly enjoying the journey and the process of discovery as it continues to unfold.

As a side note, I can see how concentration (the act of focusing on a given task) is crucial for success in any of these endeavors. Without being able to stay with the task at hand, I doubt success would be possible. My practice over the last few days shows me once again that concentration can lead to an incredible quality of mind. The mind becomes cleaner, quieter, more penetrating, more peaceful, happier, blissful even, and more capable of intelligence and discernment with whatever task is presented.

Also, a concentrated mind seems to have the ability to produce some pretty altered states of consciousness, and the associated delusions with those states of consciousness. Perhaps another way to put it seems concentration can bring a much greater sense of realism to the imagination. An ordinary imagination becomes a vivid 3-D full body fantasy with some strong concentration. And, an ordinary passion becomes a vivid mind-blowing ecstatic passion with strong concentration. So, concentration seems to have more of an intensifying effect which may or may not be helpful depending on how it is used.

The ordinary every day concentration born of sincere interest and genuine intent seems sufficient for most inquiry, but the power of a strongly concentrated mind can't be denied either. And, that seems to be the kind of thing that is only generated through some amount of sustained practice (like on retreat).

Still, the burning inside of me to know, to discover, to inquire, to get to the bottom of this, and to get it done... well... that's still there. It hasn't gone anywhere, although I think I could gladly say that some of the emotional stress and conflict over this expedition has lessened – making it both more enjoyable and more functional.

What to do with my time? I haven't been meditating as much lately, and this is actually the first meditation retreat I've done in a while now. I mostly have been doing meditation practice as an eyes-open thing throughout the day, or in bed at night and in the morning. I'm still re-evaluating the usefulness of retreat time, and if I spend more time with eyes-open practice and less time on the cushion, it will definitely open up the question... what to do with my time?

I guess I'm still discovering the answer to that question. Whatever the case, it is certainly a joy to be alive on this planet, isn't it?