Retreat at Kelseyville Center - NCVC

I recently sat a course at the new Goenka center in Kelseyville, CA.  It was a wonderful place for a retreat.  It's located about 20 minutes from Harbin Hot Springs, and about 2-3 hours north of San Francisco. 

It's a smaller center than the North Fork center.  The smaller size makes things much easier, logistically.  The line for lunch isn't as long, and it isn't too crowded.  I saw some amazing wildlife: blue-tailed skink, a family of wild turkey, lots of deer, and more.

The walking trails go up the hill behind the meditation hall, so you can get quite a workout going up and down the hill.  It offers a tranquil forest setting, which is great for a break from sitting.  I stayed in a tent at the top of the hill, and the tent spaces were very nice. They were farther from the street, and somewhat secluded.  I loved seeing the stars at night through the mesh ceiling of my tent. 

I don't know what the indoor accommodations were like, but I saw quite a few dorms.  I don't think they have very many single rooms, so be prepared to share your space.  The showers were clean and plentiful. 

I had a great time, and most likely I will be back again.

A Big Huggin' Apology

I haven't written in a while, it's true. Perhaps you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. Or, if not, then just look at the cute baby pictured here until you start giggling.

It may be that I didn't have much that I wanted to write over the last few months, but also I probably forgot how useful this blog has been for keeping in touch with the multitude of great people I meet in life.

OK. Perhaps for a come-back post I might just write a little bit about what has been going on for me. I went on another meditation retreat last August at the North Fork Vipassana Center, and I'm headed to Occidental in a couple weeks for the 10-day Christmas course in the Goenka tradition.

I haven't been practicing the Goenka technique so much, however. I had a great conversation with Daniel Ingram, author of "Mastering The Core Teachings Of The Buddha," and I guess I'd say I'm practicing meditation now in a way most similar to his particular teachings. Of course, he isn't so specific on what he recommends, he places more of an emphasis on the basic understanding (the three characteristics of anicca, anatta, and dukkha) and doing whatever one knows best to give 100% attention to these characteristics from moment-to-moment in each moment again and again. Well, that's my paraphrasing anyway. If you want to know more, you can read his (hardcore) Dharma book.

Other than meditation, I have been devoting a great deal of effort to the practice of Actualism - a technique which has as its specific goal: happiness, harmlessness, peace on Earth, and the end of delusion. These are the questions which stay at or near the forefront of my mind: In short, how to live with the sensibility to live peacefully and happily with my fellow humans.

I've also been taking classes at a local community college with the intent to build a new career. Many of the topics I've been studying have been directly relevant to life as well. I finally took General Psychology, which is funny since I've already learned so much about psychology indirectly anyway. As a side note, I find it fascinating how new this science is. Many of the discoveries of psychology have come only in the last century or two, and it's clear that there are still many errors in the current mainstream of psychological thought. If I had more of a disposition toward academia and research, I might try my hand at contributing to this developing field.

As for this physical world of trees, cars, people, clouds and such, I have continued to explore and discover: I just made it through a wild once-in-a-decade windstorm here in California. I discovered a Japanese mini-mall in my extended neighborhood. I heard the dribbling trickling sound of waves rolling across pebbles at Wilder Ranch State Park. I watched one heat of the O'Niells Cold Water Classic surf contest. And, of course I can't just be an observer, so I jumped in the cold ocean of Santa Cruz a few times too.

I think I will try to write more here. Things have changed a lot for me (as things tend to do) but part of the fun of blogging must be to see the evolution of thoughts and events through time.

Return of the Outdoorsman

Rugged and rough... beard like a grizzly... I'm getting wild out here with some California living.

Photos are now posted from my backpacking trip to Big Sur online here.

I haven't written in a while, but for the last few weeks I've been enjoying the perks of living on planet Earth. I went surfing twice now, as well as a backpacking trip down the coast.

It's hard to live in Santa Cruz county and not be tempted to jump in the salty cold ocean once in a while. Getting on a board again after probably 9 years of no surfing brought back some good memories. There is something magical about dunking my head underwater, hearing the rush of water fill my ears, and feeling the blast of cold on my face. Then, lifting my head, shaking the water off and breathing deeply as I gaze out at the rock cliffs surrounding me. Sitting atop a board as the slow unbroken waves pass underneath, the rhythm of rising and falling, I don't have to think about much of anything. I just smile like a child, floating, floating, floating.

The first surf session was mellow. Kids half my height were learning on the close shore breaks. My long time friend, Lori, was really trying to get me stoked on the thrill of surfing again, but still I think the best part was just the water. Being wet is really fun - wet salty hair, wet splashes on my faces, wet eyebrows even. The surfing was fun too, and standing on top of a surge of water while traveling in to shore almost makes me giggle.

I bought a wetsuit a couple days later, and then was back out - this time at Manresa state beach. The waves were head-high, and the air was cold. The crisp sounds of pounding waves on sand were a constant background for adventure. I got pummeled by a few waves, tossed around much less elegantly than the first trip out. After catching a couple waves, I stumbled back to shore out of breath and with a frigid headache. Even being beaten by the onslaught of a vast ocean brings such a fullness to being alive. The senses of the body become alert to the pressures and pushes across every inch of skin. I returned to the parking lot for the post-surf ritual of squeezing out of the wetsuit and into a fresh, dry towel. The salt dried into my hair leaving a sticky residue. The car had a noticeable stillness to it when compared with the tumbles of the ocean.

Alexandra, who joined me for the second surf session, was also my companion for a trip into the wilderness of Big Sur. We chose the remote Fresno Camp, way off the beaten path - literally! In fact, the path is so overgrown, that our hike took twice as long just to plow through the bushes. Just enough trail existed for us to keep following down into a quiet valley by the San Antonio creek. The campsite was smack in a riverbed which floods over in the rainy season. We couldn't have picked a better time, since it was right before the first fall rains hit a couple weeks ago. The solitude was refreshing, the mountains were towering above, and the weather was sunny and bright. The cold creek offered yet another chance to get my hair wet and take a dip. The water flowed down over shimmering rocks and opened into pools one to two feet deep. A biodegradable soap allowed for a sudsy scrub down after a tiring (and poison oak filled) hike in. The camp food tasted delicious as always in the small metal pot that had been heated over the fire. There was no one in sight from start to finish during our two nights of camping and hiking. But even if we'd been lonely, the gnats still swarmed and cuddled with us.

After emerging from the dirty wilderness, we drove to the icon of luxury - The Hearst Castle. I'm not sure if I ever went there as a kid, but it was great to finally see it as an adult.

We also saw the elephant seals of San Simeon. The female elephant seals were sleeping in piles on the beach, while young males were sparring and testing their strength in the low water where the waves came in.

Daylight savings ends bringing the real darkness of winter. The rains have hit hard, and work has been wet and cold a couple times now. Fall potatoes, squash, and greens have arrived too, and I'll be roasting the veggies away at home in Felton.

What a planet, eh?

Reader's Write: "Where Do You Work?"

A friend writes:

"Nice one, cutting the hours back to practice. Where do you work that lets you do that, lucky."

My job is wonderful, and I feel very fortunate to have it. It doesn't pay a lot, and there isn't really any "upward mobility" or "career ladder" to climb. But, it is lots of fun, and the people are great. Basically, I wake up at 4am, eat an omellette, and then drive to meet my carpool from which point we continue on to Wattsonville. There we pick up a truck which has been loaded with super fresh fruits and veggies (mostly picked the day before) and start driving up toward the
Bay Area.

By the time I arrive, it's around 7am, the sun is up, people are laughing, and the day is getting underway. We set up our veggie stand at the Farmer's Market (I'm in Berkeley on Saturday and Montclaire on Sunday) and start selling by 9am. It's fast paced hustle and bustle - not at all like Safeway. We weigh people's food by old time scales and geuestimate the prices to the nearest quarter. Sometimes I can take maybe about 20 customers per minute when things are really flying!

We sell super fresh California delicious certified organic produce. It's seriously some of the highest quality food on the planet. Special Bonus: I get to take home as much as I want as well as "trade" with other vendors for whatever they are selling. My food bill averages about $10 per week. And, when I get it home, I don't even do fancy recipes or lots of spice because the food is so good and so fresh that it just bursts with flavour as-is. My favorite dish is to throw everything in a cast-iron pot with some olive oil (garlic, onions, potatoes, squash, broccoli, tomatoes, fennel with some fresh rosemary, marjoram, sage) a little salt - don't even cut them up, just cook 'em whole. And, eat them super hot right out of the pot. Simple food can taste so good.

Before i know it, it's already 1PM, market's over and time to pack up and go home. I get back to the farm around 4:30pm, finish unloading the truck and getting it ready for the next day. Clock out with about a 12.5 hour day and drive home for a quick bubble bath and a few hours of sleep before I repeat the whole thing again the next day. So, right now I'm just working Saturday and Sunday (for a total of 25 hours)... and then mon-fri I have free to do whatever I want!

Field Trip to the Fields

I may not be traveling anymore right now, but I can still take a field trip. So, last Monday about a dozen Happy Boy Farms employees (including myself) took a field trip out to the fields where our veggies are growing fresh and lively.

One thing that can be said about the Happy Boy farmer's market workers is that we are our number one fans! Which is to say that we probably eat more of Happy Boy's produce than any of our other customers. The running joke is that the people at the grocery store must be laughing at us when they only ever see us buying dairy, toilet paper and beer. Well, maybe not exactly, but when all of our veggies, fruit, bread, rice and honey are coming fresh from the farmer's market, there's not much need for anything else.

Mouths watering, we hit the fields. A few of the veggies were so tempting that they just had to be plucked on the spot. Other than eating watermelons and tomatoes in the field, I also took home a "first of the season" red kabocha squash, a few fresh red cippolini onions, and a handful of okra.

California is such an amazing land. The skies were big and blue and the sun was shining hot. The majority of the fields we visited were in the Hollister and Gilroy area, although I don't know all the exact locations. Greg (the owner of the farm) was excited about our newest field because of the mix of long hours of sunshine with a cool coastal air - perfect for our baby lettuce!

The colors were beautiful, the smells were fresh, and the Happy Boys and Girls were smiling happily. Yum!

By the way, I've used up all my free space on Picasa, so I started another account to fit the new photos:
http://picasaweb.google.com/bhavanatraveler

Tomato Time!

So delicious!

"Rise To Taste The Dawn..."

"I rise to taste the dawn, and find that love alone will shine today."


- Ken Wilber

Happy and Harmless

"We are all fellow human beings who find ourselves here in the world as it was when we were born. We find war, murder, torture, rape, domestic violence and corruption to be endemic ... we notice that it is intrinsic to the human condition ... we set out to discover why this is so. We find sadness, loneliness, sorrow, grief, depression and suicide to be a global incidence – we gather that it is also inherent to the human condition – and we want to know why. We all report to each other as to the nature of our discoveries for we are all well-meaning and seek to find a way out of this mess that we have landed in. Whether one believes in re-incarnation or not, we are all living this particular life for the very first time, and we wish to make sense of it. It is a challenge and the adventure of a life-time to enquire and to uncover, to seek and to find, to explore and to discover. All this being alive business is actually happening and we are totally involved in living it out ... whether we take the back seat or not, we are all still doing it."

"It is the most stimulating adventure of a lifetime to embark upon a voyage into one’s own psyche. Discovering the source of the Nile or climbing Mount Everest – or whatever physical venture – pales into insignificance when compared to the thrill of finding out about life, the universe, and what it is to be a human being living in the world as-it-is with people as-they-are."

- Richard

I woke up this morning thinking about harmlessness, and a wish for you out there to simply feel good about life.

I sometimes don't know what this blog is all about, but I think one hope was for it to be honest and sincere.

There are trees here, and trees very often bring me a sense of well-being. Trees tend also to be rather harmless for the most part as well.

So, I step out of my house into the cold morning air and sit, typing under the trees and the birdsongs. I look, and I am in a jungle, a green paradise teeming with life. To my left, I look through layers of leaves. Through the leaves of one tree, I see the trunk of the next. Beyond the oaks, I see the orange Madrone trunk reaching up for the sky. Beyond that, more green leaves which fade into a darker backdrop of shaded leaves in the far background - a good 50 yards away. One leave falls from the brighter layer and the contrast of bright green on dark is stunning. What amazes me is that I can't see the soil, and neither can I see sky. Beyond the farthest leaf I can see, lies only more branches trunks and leaves. It is not thick and crowded, but it's not vacant either.

I look in front of me and see a different view. Redwood trees, with their darker needles, and dark wood trunks. In this direction I can see to the ground, the soil in front of me - again about 50 yards away - is covered in decaying leaves from what seems to be a endless California season of regenerative leaf growth. Some branches cross horizontally creating a matrix of intersecting lines.

The oak tree right in front of me looks sad. It's struggling with it's health and looks stunted in it's growth. Short branches peel off of a spindly trunk. The leaves are a rich green color, and they seem to be saying "I'm not done yet."

It's cold and I wonder about the marvelous existence of temperature. To be born not only into three dimensions of space, and also time, with all it's movement, shape, form and colors, but also to have this extra thing we call temperature. Each moment reaches fullness only with it's complimentary temperature. Feeling cold, I feel alive. Feeling warm, I feel alive. In this moment, I am alive.

What would it be to live a day of life without greed, hatred, and delusion? What would it be to live a day of life without the struggle of Good vs. Evil?

What is this strange world?

An Invitation To Sit

The Redwood Grove Retreat Sanctuary is situated in the forested hills of Felton, CA. Practitioners from all traditions are welcome to come and spend time in quiet reflection or simply to enjoy the clean air and sweet bird songs in the forest.

He he....

Well, I used to live in a home that my housemates and I called The Project San Francisco Mansion. Now, why not call my home the Redwood Grove Retreat Sanctuary! Why not?! For now, it's my little retreat sanctuary, and it's paradise on Earth.

Although it's my mom's place, I am paying rent and she encouraged me to really consider it my own while I'm here. So, I turned the living room into a little meditation hall that could actually sit quite a few meditators comfortably. I don't expect any big meditation parties soon, however, as most of my friends still aren't quite as meditation obsessed as I am. But, the invitation really is open for anyone to come and join me sometime in a quiet sit (or lying on the couch or standing on your head, or however you prefer to enjoy the silence).

I've already had one guest to the house, who says "...." (yikes... I've even got testimonials?! This is funny.)

I've got another friend planning to stop in the next week or two. So, if you want a little retreat time of your own, to escape the non-stop bustle of the American Dream, send me an email.

Wake up bell is at 5:00AM (on a good day)

Cushion Report: Mind Like Honey

Waking up this morning, Day 4 of my little retreat, I notice an interesting blend of feelings inside. Something I've noticed before is a feeling of inner growth and deepening, like I'm a little bit older than when I started (and not just three days worth). That feeling's not too uncommon for me after a retreat. Sometimes it can seem like an entire lifetime passes in those few days of silence. And a lifetime of wisdom is available in those days as well. I'm not holding my breath for that feeling to last however - and wouldn't it be kind of *immature* of me if I did? he he.

I feel strangely defeated, while also refreshed and alive. Vibrant happy and awake, and also completely without hope. I would say humility and grace, although the word "humility" is overshooting it a bit. Like I said, it's an interesting blend this morning (I tried to capture the feeling in the photo to the left).

I set myself up with my last blog post, so I suppose I better have something to say about all that. As predicted, nothing went as planned. Wonderful. As I reflect on the experimental parameters, the techniques and procedures, and the overall hypothesis, I find that words aren't quite sufficient right now. In some respect, I practiced mindfulness as I set out to do, in the way that I described. But, in another respect, that seems to be only a small description of the big big picture. What I don't want to do here is be overly dramatic, though. For the most part, my days were really quite ordinary. I sat; I ate; I walked in the woods. And, I'm listening to the chanting of Anonymous 4 as I type right now, so I worry that the music might make me write in an even more dramatic tone.

What I can say is that there seems to be a very distinct shift occurring in my meditation practice. It's like a chameleon who changes to their environment, or like the way honey tastes different depending on the pollen which fed the bee. In fact, I really like that analogy right now. I think I'm experiencing the "mind like honey." (this sounds so "zen," so give me a second to get a little poetic) The mind like honey is the mind which recognizes the pollen which has given it flavor. Of course, there is a little "me" inside who would love to take credit for every flavor as though it were the master cook in a honey kitchen. But, no. Nature shapes nature. Or, at least, so it seems in this moment.

Anyway, during my six months at the California Vipassana Center, I was in a very tight container with strict rules and discipline, a schedule, a staff, a self-contained piece of land, and it was all very Buddhist. All that was allowed at the center was vipassana and the Buddhist scriptures and commentaries which supported the practice. Meditation had a more straightforward feel to it - "A" leads to "B" leads to "C." There was a path, a practice, and a goal. It was wonderful.

Once in India, meditation took on a new flavor. With the unavoidable influence of Hinduism and Indian culture in general, things took on a more mystical feel. While spending time with community, but also traveling alone on the road, there was a mixing, and an expansiveness. It was also wonderful.

Now, it seems something different is occurring here in Felton, CA. I'm not sure I can say what it is yet. In fact, I fear I'd be a bit presumptuous to even take a guess, but the influence of reliance on my own discipline, and well, just being on my own in so many ways is starting a new current within me. Of course, I have dharma talks on my computer, lots of books to read, and even lots of really great dharma brothers, sisters, and mentors to call or email if I come onto a stumbling block. But, when I come home to this little cabin, it's just me. I could walk away at anytime, and there's absolutely no rule that I can't. In fact, I can't say that I've taken on any rules or discipline in my meditation time here, but rather I've just set intentions and then gone with the flow.

So, I'm getting a little embarrassed now, writing all this, even though I haven't said that much. It seems the most tender place is inside oneself in the quiet times. I sometimes wonder why I write all this on my blog at all, and I wonder if other people wonder that too. Maybe it's best not to try to figure that one out.

The bottom line of what I'm trying to say is that I don't really have anything to say. This cushion report is just not going to be very report-ish.

It's like this: Life... to be conscious... to be a living, sentient being... composed of the same elements as the trees, the stones, the earth, the sky, the sun... to be this living creature in this strange and curious world... and then... to think!... to have this constant movement called "thought" throughout one's mind...

All of this comes together and there comes from it this word "meditation."

What is that? What is this meditation thing? Where'd it come from? I mean, which galaxy did it fall down from? How is it that consciousness decides to explore itself? And how is it that this human being has come to a place of such distortion from it's elements in the first place? How is it that the elements of life want to know themselves? And, then... quite spontaneously... they start to write about it. Pudgy little fingers strike a keyboard in a quiet room attempting to spell out the inexplicable bizarreness of being what can't possibly be but what unavoidably is.

Whew... weird. I'll just leave it at that.

All is well.

A Row Boat to Nowhere

"Truth be told, I don't really care.... 'cause we're all on a boat to nowhere." - Adyashanti

I had a friend visit me in Felton last week, and we listened to some Adyashanti together. I think we both agreed that the above quote was one of our favorites from what we listened to. Although I don't remember getting on this boat of life, I'm really enjoying my ride to nowhere, and I hope you are too.

It seems I've started to get into my rhythm now with my new California life. And even though I'm not going to be traveling again anytime soon, I must say that I enjoy my weekly drives through the redwoods of the Santa Cruz Mountains down the coast to the rolling hills and flat fields of Wattsonville's farmland and then up the east side of the bay to Berkeley and the wooded hills of Montclaire.

On the meditation front, I continue to learn about myself and about what it means to be human. I had some really intense dreams last night, many of which were quite lucid. At one point, I found myself in a room, but quite certain that it was a dream. I couldn't recall what my actual waking life room looked like, but knew that I was in a dream room instead. It was quite real however, and quite lucid - as real as any dream usually is. So, I began contemplating, "this is all a mental creation. I'm creating all of this right now. There is no substance to it, and no existence to it outside of my mind." It was cool to experience something so real and so external, yet to know it as pure mental formation... fabrication. It was vibrating and morphing quite a bit, as dreams usually do, but I just stayed in that dream room in fascination and awe. There was another dream in which I saw my own face, and I was speaking the words coming out of it, and thinking it's thoughts, but clearly observing it as "me outside of me" - all still quite lucid that this was conscious dream creation.

Like I said, it was a wild night. Recently, a friend suggested I write about my dreams here, so there ya go. Remaining conscious, mindful, and aware throughout the dream state definitely seems like a meditation for me, however I don't put too much importance into the content. Preferably, I would simply try to observe the physical and mental sensations that make up the dream-state itself, while allowing meaning to arise naturally if and when it may arise.

I'm planning to take the next couple days for meditation retreat at home here, so I'll be off-grid until Friday.

Be well.

ps. the photo above is the chair on my porch where I do meditation, eat meals, or just sit and listen to the birds.

"Trees and Vines..." - Ajahn Chah

"Trees and Vines can reveal the nature of reality to us. With wisdom there is no need to question anyone, no need to study. We can learn everything from Nature to be enlightened."

- Ajahn Chah
(quote painted on wood and nestled trail-side in the hills at Abhayagiri Monastery)

The City of Ten Thousand Buddhas

I feel blessed that I got to tag along with Robert as he gave a ride for Ajahn Amaro on the way out of the Monastery last week. Ajahn Amaro is the big cheese for Western Theravada Buddhism in the tradition of Ajahn Chah and the Thai lineage. He is moving to England soon to be the Abbot of Amaravati Monastery - the center branch of this school of Buddhism. He is incredibly highly regarded amongst monks and lay people alike. Robert referred to him as one of the best "monk trainers" around, and having met the monks he has trained, I'd have to agree.

Ajahn Amaro needed a ride to Novato, with a quick stop at The City of Ten Thousand Buddhas on the way out of town. The City of Ten Thousand Buddhas ("The City") is the largest Buddhist monastery in all of North America! Cool! Who knew I would get a chance to visit! It's from the Chinese lineage of Master Hua who developed quite a following in his lifetime. There are a couple hundred permanent residents in the city, about a third of whom are monks and nuns.

Ajahn Amaro was giving the keynote address at the graduation ceremony for Developing Virtue Boy's Secondary School. The City runs 5 different schools for a few lucky children who get an education based on virtue and goodness more so than book smarts and the ability to pass a test. From the brief glimpse of the graduating class, it did look like these boys had been instilled with virtue. The City is bilingual (Mandarin and English) which seems to cause some challenges of communication, but it still seems to be thriving, and one of the speakers at the graduation was an successful alumni who still comes back to give his time to The City.

Inside the main Dhamma Hall of The City of Ten Thousand Buddhas - you guessed it - Ten Thousand Buddhas! If you look close at the photos, the walls are stacked with small Buddha statues, each one carved by Master Hua himself. Ten thousand in all, believe it or not. The property itself used to be a home for the criminally insane, and the Dhamma Hall is actually the old gymnasium for the insane asylum. Once you walk inside, all of that is forgotten, and the peace and sense of community is immediately apparent.

Some buildings are a bit creepy still, but spiced up a bit with cute street names like "Joyous Way."

Ajahn Amaro's talk was inspiring and to the point. He made a cool suggestion that might be good for young boys (or for any of us for that matter.) His suggestion: If you can't keep up your 2 hours of chanting and meditation each morning, take on something more bite-sized. Try just to spend at least an hour per day doing only one thing. Not skyping while texting while emailing while listening to music while tevo-ing while eating chips, etc... Rather, if you're emailing for an hour - just do your email - and nothing else. Brilliant! Mono-tasking! I don't know if it would sell on Wall Street, but who cares.

The car ride back with the Ajahn was also fun as we had a chance to talk casually about some other topics of life. I don't remember much of the conversation, but I do remember him as a very enjoyable and wise man. May he have safe travels to England and a smooth transition into his new position there.

Staying at Abhayagiri Forest Monastery

Following the tradition of many Thai Buddhist Forest Monks of the past, a small group (mostly westerners) is living and practicing in the hills outside of Ukiah, CA. They call their sanctuary Abhayagiri Monastery. I've known about this place for a couple years now, but seeing how Ukiah isn't the most accessible place to travel to without a car, I had to wait for a ride. Luck had it that a friend, Robert, was going my way. In fact, he was giving a ride to a couple of the head-honcho monks at the monastery (more on that in a bit.)

The schedule is the same everyday at the monastery. Robert said "like Groundhog's Day." Yup. And, it was surprisingly a lot of work. It's not meant to be a retreat center, though... so it's not a like a nap in the park. Other than helping with dishes after every meal, and cleaning the toilet in the morning, I also was asked to do a couple of hours of trail maintenance work in the morning between breakfast and lunch. I got my workout! My back and shoulders were sore for a few days from all the swinging of a pick-axe.

After lunch, personal time begins, and I made use of it to sit in my humble cottage (called "The Bumblebee," and photo shown here) which was right next to a little babbling brook. My meditation practice was incredibly strong and deep, and I can't help but think that it was in part from the powerful energy of this monastery. From the moment I got there, I felt the peace overcome me. And, I had a wild dream on my second night there in which the entire universe exploded into shimmering lights of bliss, and I could see with incredible perspective on the total totalness of existence. It was cool, although I don't want to make too much a big deal out of it. The next day it was back to shoveling and breaking rocks. A flickering moment in time.

The trails (of which I helped work on) run for miles around the hills, which are mostly steep so provide ample exercise. I spent my last day running around taking photos and checking out the nooks and crannies.

They also have a pretty stellar library with a wide selection of Buddhist books and also some poetry, psychology, and even a cool book on old school etiquette.

The etiquette is another important point. When I first heard about Abhayagiri, my friend told me, "they are so careful with their vinaya there, it's impressive." The Vinaya is the monastic code of 227 rules governing all manners of morality and etiquette. I didn't really think that this could be impressive until I saw it! Yes, it is impressive!

It's not that they have really good rules, or that they are really good at keeping people from breaking the rules, or anything like that. In fact, most of the time it doesn't even feel like they are "rules" at all. Rather, it feels like an incredibly conscious community in which the monks take such care in all their actions. And with meticulous care, they cultivate a lifestyle which is incredibly pleasant to be around, peaceful, and joyful. Sure, there were a couple who seemed a little over-the-top with it, kinda like trying to be "good boy scouts." But, for the most part, it didn't seem contrived, forced, or oppressive at all. In fact, it felt freeing, open, and spacious. And, so many smiles too! The monks smile a lot.

The food is all donated (alms food), and it's not entirely vegetarian. The feast was quite large on Friday (the lunar celebration day) and I always made away with some very tasty dishes on my plate. Part of the practice is to only eat for health and not for pleasure, but it's a little counter-productive with all the cookies and dumplings, etc.

I made some good friends while there, and really enjoyed the company. I can see what a magnet this place must be for those who are willing to take the time to seek out such rare sanctuaries like this. I got to hear a couple short Dhamma talks from Ajahn Amaro and Ajahn Sucitto - two highly regarded long-time monks. The Dhamma talks brought me joy.

One reason I went was to see if I might someday want to become a monk. I must say that the trip brought me mixed thoughts on the topic. On one hand, I found the rules and monastic discipline to be more inspiring than what I'd thought. Also, the monk lifestyle seemed beautiful and very tempting. So, in some sense, I'm more interested now than before. While on the other hand, there was some thing about it also which pushed me away (and I'm not sure I can put my finger on it.) One of my friends noted that I'm a little too raw and unrefined for monastic life, and I think that may be it. I'm not a very "traditional" kind of guy, and I'm not a very good "Buddhist" either. But, we'll see. I have no idea what my future holds. I'm starting to think that I like my future like I like my coffee - with nothing in the cup. (I don't like coffee.)

I only stayed at Abhayagiri for three nights, as this was the plan with Robert and his driving schedule, and they limit your first stay to seven days max, anyway. I would like to go back at some point and stay for a longer time, perhaps. But, I'll be sure to be ready for some work!

First Batch of Pesto

All settled in and back to work, I'm finding my pace here in Felton, CA. I made my first batch of summer pesto, and it's delicious! (Maybe a little too much Parmesan, as it's got bite.)

I've also got my stuff from storage and having an emotional ride going through all those memories and working on my discard pile.

I had planned to take time while here in this peaceful forest setting to do as much meditation as possible (yes... I'm still blabbing on about meditation, but that is the point of this blog). I just took the last two days on retreat here, just for meditation. It was a bit of a struggle, but a fruitful use of time. After a nightmare on Wednesday night about a cobra, I decided to make an offering of incense to the forest creatures the next day. I think if I'm taking refuge in their forest home as a bit of an uninvited guest, then I ought to do my best to win them over. May it be a sanctuary of peace for all those who wish to pass their days in these woods.

Work seems to be going well, and if anyone wants to visit me: I'll be at the Downtown Berkeley Farmer's Market on Saturdays, and the Montclair (Oakland hills) Farmer's Market on Sundays. See you there!

Time to go now and cook up some beets. 'Til next time.

Best Pay Cut Of My Life

As the future unfolds before me, it looks like I'll be heading back to the simple life. There's a 90% chance that I'm going to be going back to work for my long time friends at Happy Boy Farms - selling the freshest and most delicious organic fruits and vegetables!

If I take the job, I'll be making about 3 times less than I made teaching workshops and seminars, 10 times less than I made doing private coaching, and about 40 times less than what I could make if I followed some of my friends into the marijuana growing business. Uh oh, I said "marijuana" so I better explain. Well, these days, it's possible to grow marijuana "legally" through the legal loopholes in California. I've met a number of people who do it, and they make a ton of very real money. But, I didn't want to compromise myself for money. I didn't want to compromise myself for anything in this vast world of abundance we live in. In fact, not only will I be making less money than all these other opportunities, but I'll even be making $2 per hour less than when I had the same job five years ago!

So, why is it the best pay cut of my life? Because it's an absolute joy to give up the extra money in exchange for the perfect job for me right now. If all goes as planned, I'll work Saturday and Sunday every week (for about 10-12 hours per day). Then, I'll take Monday and Friday as days for personal errands (email, etc.). And, I can take Tuesday through Thursday to spend on personal meditation retreat (at home, no phone, no email, nothing but me and the redwoods)

And, that brings me to the next point - I'll be living in the Redwoods! I don't think I've ever found the Buddha anywhere more than in Redwood trees. My mom will hopefully be generous enough to let me stay in her cabin up here in Felton, CA (where I am now). In fact, I just spent yesterday, all day, in meditation here and I loved it! It's so quiet, and so peaceful, and so alive. A cabin in the woods - my dream come true.

I always loved working for Happy Boy Farms too. I really think that eating fresh local organic produce is one of the most important things any of us can do for our planet and our bodies. I don't think the ecological and health benefits of this simple act can be understated, and it seems like a very important task to help bring the food from the farms to people's homes. It's a simple job, but one of the very crucial ones in our society, I believe.

Not to mention the perks - free veggies!

It's generally a seasonal job, as most of the Farmer's Markets will end come wintertime. So, in November I'll have a chance to move on with my journey.

I'm planning to work this Sunday at one of the San Francisco markets and see how it goes. Next week, I'll be up at Abhayagiri Monastery for a few days, and then back to work again. I'm sure I'll keep posting on how it all goes.

I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.
- Henry David Thoreau

Punk Monk Meditation

A while back, I listened to an interview with Fleet Maull where he talks about "plunge experiences." One of the plunge experiences he was talking about was something called a "Street Retreat," in which the practitioner goes on retreat as a homeless person on the streets of a big city. These Street Retreats are put on by Bernie Glassman and the Zen Peacemakers. They also lead a retreat in Auschwitz where they sit by the train tracks and help heal the land of it's violent past.

I must admit, the street retreat didn't sound so tempting. But, I did my mini-version for an hour or two today. i shaved into the crazy mohawk ensemble you see in the picture, put on an army style jacket, and then did my walking meditation through Golden Gate Park and Ocean Beach. I can't say I really learned much from the experience, though it's always interesting to notice how much our physical appearance affects our self-image as well as the image others hold of us. I hope I didn't scare anyone.

I saw one man picking up bottles for recycling and eating some crumbs from someone's thrown out bag of chips. I felt a little twinge of sadness that for me it's just an "experiment," but for someone else it may be a world beyond their design.

Coming back, I decided to look into this Punk Monk thing more and found the website of San Francisco's official Punk Monk - an episcopal friar! Cool.

There's also a group called the Dharma Punx. Although it looks cool, I don't know much about it. There was one guy at a retreat up in North Fork who was part of the Dharma Punx who had a "Meditate and Destroy" sweatshirt on during the retreat. Arggg! Rar! yeah.

Don't worry, though. I shaved it all off after my little experiment, and now I'm just an ordinary bald guy - ready for my trip to the Monastery in a couple weeks.

Such vanity from nothing
But a spirit; a hungry ghost who feeds upon our sighs, swallows up the echo of our wailing days – we, whose withered hearts grow plaintive, now wandering as a flock of birds.
- The Punk Monk

Spirit Rock, Abhayagiri, and California Living

I've been back in the US for a few days now, but it seems like I've already done a lot! I visited with family and friends, and saw a lot of the ol' hometown sights around the Bay Area. I took a nice hike out to the ocean with my dad too. The beard has been quite a centerpiece of conversation, but it's days are numbered (my friend Whit has some clippers here in SF)

So, as the wheels of time turn, opportunities are opening up in front of me once again. I'm still leaving my plans very open-ended, with an eye toward what will continue to deepen this process of unfolding that's going on within me. But, I also would like to check out some of the great practice spots here in California - since I'm here. Someone asked if I had "wanderlust," as I seem to be moving around a lot. Actually, I'd prefer to stay settled for maybe 6 months or a year or two. At the risk of sounding overly practical, what I'm really looking for is a place where I can get the most meditation for the longest amount of time at the lowest cost - simple economics. I thought that having good instruction and teachings would be important, but after the last few months, I realize that it's not totally essential for me, though definitely welcome. Quiet solitude is pretty essential though.

Well, I went by Spirit Rock this morning and saw the grounds, and even said "Hi" to Jack Kornfield (he said "Hi" back, and then went on his way). They have a stipend residential work position open that looks tempting, and I'll probably put in my resume just to see if I get a nibble. Spirit Rock is absolutely stunning! It's probably about as big as the Sattal Ashram, with excellent quiet nature, but less Indian tourists and chaos. Plus, it's actually used solely for Dharma practice (as the Sattal ashram was not). Definitely a 5 star retreat center, and it would be a beautiful place to live! Almost too beautiful!

Also, I ran into a Dharma friend who I've been corresponding with who is heading up to Abhayagiri monastery in Northern California in a couple weeks. I've been wanting to get up there as I've had a number of friends tell me about it now. But, I didn't know how I'd find a ride. F-A-T-E... wouldn't you know it? I get offered for a ride as soon as I ask. It's like magic. Since it's a monastery, I suppose there's always the off chance that I'll shave my head and won't come out. But, at any rate, it will be a wonderful opportunity.

I also would like to get down to Wat Metta in Southern California, and the new Goenka center near Sebastapol, and of course back to the North Fork Center to see the pagoda that's being built there too! There's a lot of Dharma in this region of the world, too much to even list it all here. Karma is good to me!

In addition, I'll be emptying my storage unit soon, so this all should keep me busy for a little while.

People are telling me that I seem pretty much like the same Daniel. I don't really feel the same (and as a wonderful monk in Korea once told me: "not a moment goes by that the mountain doesn't change.") But, I think I get the sentiment.

- Still Daniel

Goenka's Dehra Dun Vipassana Center

I almost punched a monk. Well, not really, but the thought did cross my mind.

If you've been reading this far, you may notice that India and I have had our differences. And, maybe I've been a little hard on Mother India at times. So, without the harshness (and without punching anyone) I'll take this opportunity to celebrate the differences before I leave tomorrow.

I'll start by commending the tolerant meditators who patiently waited in line for every meal. This is the first and only time I've actually seen people stand in line in India. Beautiful! The only two men who cut in line were the two Hindu Sadhus (monks). I understand that probably there is some tradition behind this behavior, but I wondered why a monk wouldn't want to wait like us common folk. Do they have a busy schedule to attend to?

The dish washing station, however, was typical Indian chaos and this is where the fateful run-in went down. Being the irreverent westerner that I am, I was practicing non-cooperation with the pushing and crowding at the dish station (ala Ghandi's Satiyagraha). Instead, I decided to calmly wait for an opening to appear. The monk wasn't having it, though, and finding my presence to be quite an obstruction, he broke the rule of "no physical contact at the center" to push me aside and jump on the next available sink. I will admit, I got angry, but that's just par for the course.

To quickly contrast with California, people there have been known to freak out even if they see people shaking hands or (god forbid) hugging at the center! In fact, on the last day of this retreat some of the younger Indian men gave each other so much physical contact that it would appear to most Westerners as quite sexual.

My first impression of center (officially named Dhamma Salila) was that of a labor camp. Rules were posted quite prominently, the assistant teacher was commanding with his instructions, and the bells were rung loudly. It looked quite oppressive and not in line with a path of compassion and wisdom. So, for the first two days I contemplated an escape. But, eventually I came to realize that no one would follow the rules well anyway and it was mostly just a show. My observation is that Indian's firstly are so saturated with spirituality already, and secondly they tend toward a sheep and shepherd mentality with their "guru," so this may explain the extra hoo-haa about discipline.

To add to the chaos, there was a group of young men attending who weren't really there of their own free will. The Suriya Foundation (manufacturers of light bulbs, etc.) apparently includes a Goenka course as a mandatory part of their job training program - No course, no job! This bathc of trainees had all recently completed graduate degrees and were in training for management positions. Their three month, 24 hour per day training program also included a seven day naturopathy fast! Once trained and secure in their job, these bachelors would then e ready to settle into an arranged marriage. It all seemed like a Eastern version of the 1950's American dream.

There were almost 30 of them and none seemed to have gotten much from the course. A few, at least, said that they might want to come back some day on their own to really give it a fair trial.

There was, thus, a large range in the level of seriousness of the students. At the end, people came to tell me, "you were 100% committed. I only gave maybe 70-80%," and other such comments. Who knew there was a ranking system? I actually was pretty disciplined, except with regards to lying down and sleeping. These two activities seem to help my meditation a lot.

Dhamma Salila was much smaller than the California Vipassana Center, but the California one is known as one of the largest and most comfy. In Dehra Dun, they do have the addition of a pagoda, and this got me excited. It's a building with many small (3ft. X 6ft.) cells for isolated meditation.

My cell in the pagoda faced in on the center cell which (I dare say) had a creepy resemblence to a peep show somehwere in San Francisco. The middle cell of the entire circular complex had a white thrown where I image only teachers are allowed to sit. I didn't have to put quarters in to see, though, I just looked through the small metal grated vent at the bottom of the door separating our two cells. Other than this, I found it to be quite a tranquil place, perhaps like a holding cell on the spaceship of some advanced alien race. It was painted white with a small dome at the top where light would shine in. The best time for the pagoda was about 4:30am-5:30am when it was pitch black, and very queit.

The food was good too, and rumored to be better than other Indian centers.

I couldn't imagine if this had been my first Goenka course. I think the Indian idosyncracies would have broken me. And, I don't know if I'll do another Goenka retreat in India.

Overall, the experience was just beautiful. Dhamma Salila is on the bank of a small river (which you must wade through on your way out,) and there are a number of mango trees and a tall banyan tree on the property. They run the courses on about $3 per person per day which is impressive. And, I should say that I met some incredibly friendly and delightful people - despite the cultural differences and the repetitive "What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?" May they all grow in Dhamma.

Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam. Be happy.

Six Months At The California Vipassana Center

If you don't know, I spent the last six months living at the California Vipassana Center, in North Fork, CA. A center devoted to the practice and instruction of Vipassana meditation as taught by S.N. Goenka. And, I wanted to share some of the photos, stories, thoughts, and reflections on my experience there.

When I first arrived, I really had no idea what to expect. I had been to the center about 4 times before, but only for a week or two at a time. What was I getting myself into? I gave up my home and my job and most of my stuff to follow a dream. But, what was the dream? Was I just out of my mind?

Well, whatever I had in store, I decided to really go for it 100% and really give it a fair trial. I shaved my head and my face clean just after I arrived, and then, yes... I let it grow... and grow... and grow. I was told I looked a little like one of my idols, Henry David Thoreau. (that's the kitchen behind me.)

Awareness and equanimity. That's the practice in a nutshell. Everyday, every second, every moment, remain aware, remain equanimous. Every day we meditate at least three hours.

The center runs 10 day courses for anyone who's willing to give up all their entertainments, phone, email, gadgets, comforts, and meditate 12 hours a day. The courses usually bring in about 75% new students, and 25% students who are returning for a second, third, or even eighteenth helping of silent meditation.

Over the six months I was there, I was a student for five 10-day courses (all silent, nothing but meditation). And, I served about six 10-day courses as well, mostly working in the kitchen serving up tasty vegetarian dishes to nourish and sustain my fellow meditators. I also worked on various projects around the campus, such as painting buildings, running a cable through a trench in the ground, shampooing carpets, installing hardwood floor, and more. The photo to the left is the barn I was staying in most of the time I was there.

This photo is one of the walking paths. I spent many hours slowly walking these paths to exercise my legs.

I must admit that sometimes my experiences were some of the most painful I've ever experienced in my life. Some experiences were incredibly beautiful too. The point, though, isn't so much what kind of experience arises, but rather how we react.

There was a quote which really served as my inspiration throughout the hard times:

"The meditator dwells enduring equanimously the fruition of his or her past actions, no matter how painful, severe, sharp and terrible they are." - Buddha (SN 1.1.168)

This is one of the men's residential buildings. They aren't the most luxury accommodations, but they do the trick for those who are practicing renunciation for a week or two. As soon as I arrived at the center, it became very clear that this tradition was designed for "householders" - that is to say, not for monks. It's a little funny, since I don't hold a house, and I don't have a wife and kids. Though, I'm certainly no monk either. The tradition has a lot of elements which reveal the Burmese and Indian cultures from which it comes.

The center is full of wildlife. Every night as the day came to an end, we would always send our blessings to all the beings on the meditation campus - big and small, visible or invisible, wishing them happiness and liberation. I think the animals must feel it. I saw a jack rabbit, tarantulas, lots of deer, lizards, gophers, and more. Unfortunately, I never got to see the fox, the bobcat, or the scorpions, but I heard the stories.

I spent the first few weeks living in a tent. It was summer, and hot (up near 108 degrees F.) And by the time I left in December, I had enjoyed at least one snowfall.

They affectionately call it "dhamma land," and it definitely has it's own unique quality to it. Peaceful, harmonious, and simple. May All Deer Be Happy!

Peeking through the trees here, you can see the assistant teacher's (AT) residence. The assistant teachers are students of meditation like the rest of us, but with a fair amount of experience. They vary from course to course, and come from all over the world to give service here. They don't receive any money, and so in general they are all financially independent on their own. The main teaching, however, comes on video tapes and audio tapes of S.N. Goenka himself. I'm hoping I might get the chance to see Goenka when I go to India. He's in his eighties and not doing well physically, but I've heard he still makes an appearance now and then.

Of course, one of the most common questions I get is "what did you get out of it?" Well, some cool photos, some new friends, some good memories. But, really it's not at all about what I got out of it. It's about what I got rid of. I let go of so many memories that were no longer serving me. I let go of so many old patterns of generating suffering for myself. I let go of fears, and anger, and rage, and judgments, and anxieties. I even let go of cravings, desires and fantasies of things which may have seemed quite harmless on the surface, but really only served to take me away from the present moment.

I think it's hard to even describe it well enough to do it justice. But, the peace and happiness and contentment that's available after ditching all the unneccesary self-centered junk, well, it's the greatest blessing I could've possibly recieved.

I feel so incredibly grateful for the opportunity, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone else out there who's even thinking of it. It's not always easy, but who said things would be easy? And, the sunset's always seemed to have a way of saying that everything really is alright in the end.

For more photos, check out my Picasa photostream.

[Update: Some people have asked me questions regarding this post, so I've started a FAQ here, feel free to contact me with any other questions)