Five Factors of Speech (Anguttara Nikaya 5.198)

"Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless and unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five?

It is spoken at the right time.

It is spoken in truth.

It is spoken affectionately.

It is spoken beneficially.

It is spoken with a mind of good-will."

- Anguttara Nikaya 5.198

(Translated from the Pali discourses of the Buddha)

Quebec Vipassana Center - Dhamma Suttama

Last winter there was a cold streak in February. It was cold. It was very cold. So, of course, I spent my time off work traveling north into Canada for a meditation retreat. The center is located between Ottawa and Montreal. The temperature hit 40 degrees below zero, Farenheit (though they used Celsius up there). I fulfilled my lifelong dream of having icicles grow from my beard.

The retreat was profound, as always, and I had so much delight in resting into that cold, snowy, pillowy paradise of the mind. Around day 8 or 9, I developed a high fever and strong cold. It was definitely the sickest I've ever been on retreat. It was a bit frustrating as my concentration diminished, and yet it was also very cool to observe the sensations of illness arising and passing within the framework of this body.

Illness is, of course, is one of the Buddhist foundations of human suffering (along with old age and death). These bodies that we have are so exposed to our environment that other creatures can come inside and live within our bodies. Sometimes such a "bug" makes us sick as the cellular defenses kick in. All of this arises and passes, arises and passes. What a joy to bare witness! What liberation comes from the equanimous mind.

I played in the snow, and sat plopped down in the fresh powdery dumps. Each day I took walks in the woods, allowing the stinging chill of the air to touch my lungs and wake me up to life.

The accommodations were quite enjoyable (and warm on the inside). The center has a unique quality in that the men and women are completely segregated throughout the entire meditation retreat. There are even two separate meditation halls. I found this to be a diminishment of the meditation experience. I understand that mixed gender meditations can be a distraction for many, but I think the added presence of having more meditators sharing a common space is far greater than whatever distractions they meant to avoid. It was a strange the way I knew the women were on retreat also, yet I could barely feel their presence.

I had so much fun meeting all of the french speakers as well. Dhamma knows no boundaries when it comes to language. They had delightful accents, and everyone looked so adorable wearing huge parkas and thick boots.

It was a wonderful retreat. Thank you Dhamma Suttama!

"Through the sky blow many different winds,
from east and west, from north and south,
dust-laden and dustless, cold as well as hot,
fierce gales and gentle breezes -- many winds blow.
In the same way, in this body, sensations arise,
pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral."

- Pathama-akasa sutta, SN 1.260

Vipassana with Buddy Wakefield on TEDx

I had the pleasure of sitting a course last April with Buddy Wakefield. Of course, I had no idea that he was there, or even who he was. Sitting a course isn't really a time for being social.

It wasn't until the car ride to the airport that we ended up both hitching a ride with a local Texas meditator. I could tell that he was deeply steeped in dhamma as we talked. There is an incredible post-retreat glow that some meditators really eminate, and he had it big time. I could tell that everything he said was coming from deep place inside himself where he looked as though he was checking to see if it was his honest truth.

He is a writer, so as we talked, he would scribble notes down on a paper for possible inclusion in his spoken word performances.

Late, when I returned home, I saw this TEDx talk. I love it. He has a beautiful way of putting it into his own words and bringing a fresh and lively expression of what Vipassana is about for him.

Retreat at Kaufman, Texas Dhamma Center

I went on retreat last April (2015) at the Kaufman center in Texas. It's been so long now since the retreat that I have forgotten a lot of the details, but I still wanted to share the photos. It is a beautiful center, and I had my own private room with a bathroom (many of the rooms at the center are singles like this).

I took nice walks along the trails, but I remember the grass had my allergies going the whole time. The wild bunny rabbits were so cute as they bounced around in the grass. The neighbor's cows also came by for a visit now and then.

The center has a pagoda as well, and I made use of it mostly in the mornings. I love getting up in the stillness of a quiet morning and walking to the pagoda. So much stillness, both inside and out.

The community at this center seemed unique. There were many younger people involved there, and so much metta. At the end of the retreat, they made sure that everybody had a ride to where they needed to go, and if people couldn't find a ride, local people would just shuttle people out of the kindness in their hearts.

Oh, and I also made a lot of friends on the retreat. One of them was a spectacular poet named Buddy Wakefield. He and I went to the airport together after the retreat and got to spend a few hours basking in dhamma and sharing wonderful insights while we waited for our flights. He was clearly so in touch with his inner world and so wonderful at articulating it too.

I remember that I said a phrase which he liked, and then he wrote it down on a piece of paper. I guess that's what a writer does, constantly scribble notes here and there as inspiration comes. Perhaps I could do more of that too.

The phrase he scribbled was this:


"The happiness beyond the conditions of the world."

May you all taste such happiness.

 

Relational Insight Retreat (First ever of it's kind!)

I have decided that this summer I will finally be creating an event that I have been dreaming about for years. I don't think there is anything else quite like this that has ever been done, and personally I am giddy with excitement about how it will unfold.

The idea is to create an intensive five day meditation retreat for a small group, that includes a relational component. There will be silent meditation, like most meditation retreats, but there will also be a meditative practice with the focus of awareness on relationship itself.

The purpose of the retreat is to cultivate awareness of our experience from moment to moment to moment, both as we go within ourselves in silent meditation, and as we relate with each other in connection. Through the cultivation of awareness, we will reveal the truth of each moment - the truth within ourselves, and the truth we see in others.

-----

I am still putting building the structure of this retreat, but here is the basic idea in a nutshell.

Minimal Facilitation

I certainly have a lot of experience facilitating, leading, teaching, and organizing these kinds of experiences, but I want the facilitation to be kept to a minimum. I also want to be a participant. I will be available for support, but the basic idea of the retreat will be of minimal facilitation from me. It will depend on self-discipline, participation from everyone, and a tight structure (see below).

Participants will be expected to already have prior experience in either meditation, or any form of deep relational work (such as circling, the diamond approach, etc.) Preferably, the participants will be very experienced and will bring a lot to share with the group, so that we all may benefit from each other's wisdom. I will lead the group into the first day of practice, and then the group will carry it's own momentum. During meditation hours, their will be an emphasis on insight meditation (vipassana), though participants may also practice whatever silent meditation technique they prefer.

The relational meditation practice will be guided at first to set the context for practice. For those familiar with the practice of "circling" it may resemble something like an "organic circle." In short, the group will speak and interact with each other in a way that maintains our awareness on the ever-changing experience of the present moment. [More information on relational meditation practice to come...]

During personal time periods, one will be able to practice according to their own preference in line with the general purpose of the retreat.

Minimal Facilities, (and work contribution from every participant)

To keep costs low, and to minimize unnecessary work, the facilities will be kept minimalist. Three meals will be eaten each day, and snacks will be available, but the meals will be kept simple and easy to prepare. Breakfast will be oatmeal, cereal, fruit, yogurt, and toast. Lunch will be the big meal of the day. Dinner will be soup, salad, and whatever fruit and snacks are available.

Each participant will be expected to do a yogi job each day, cooking, cleaning, time keeping, etc. so that the retreat can run smoothly without need for outside help.

Self Discipline

The next key principle of this retreat will be self discipline so that we can stick to a tight structure and put our full effort into doing the important work of self awareness. Participants will be expected to commit fully to the practice and the purpose of the retreat.

Discipline will include:
- Strict time table as noted below. While sessions will not be enforced as mandatory, anyone opting out of a session will be expected to take care not to disturb the group practice.
- Buddhist Five Precepts (No lying, killing, stealing, intoxication, or sexual misconduct - and for this retreat, no sexual conduct of any kind.)
- Cell phones and electronics are to be turned off for the entire retreat unless absolutely necessary.
- Noble silence between the last meditation at night and the first meditation in the morning.
- A commitment to stay for the full retreat and stay with the process as it unfolds.
- Journals and books will be allowed, but with the expectation that they support the purpose and atmosphere of the retreat.

Time Table

Weds-Sunday (Five days)

Wednesday:
3:00 PM Arrive and get settled
5:00 PM Dinner and introductions
7:00 PM Beginning Meditation and Opening Formalities
8:30 PM Noble Silence Begins - personal time until bed

Thursday - Saturday:
6:00am (optional) Movement Practice - yoga, etc.
7:00am Breakfast and Cleanup
8:00am Morning Group Meditation
* 9:00am Noble Silence ends for the duration of daytime activities
9:00am Relational Meditation in group (with breaks as needed)
11:00am Cook Lunch and Chores
12:00pm Eat Lunch/Cleanup/Personal Time
2:00pm Afternoon Group Meditation
3:00pm Relational Meditation in group (with breaks as needed)
6:00pm Dinner and Cleanup
7:00pm Evening Group Check In
7:30pm Evening Group Meditation
* 8:30pm Noble Silence begins for the duration of the night
8:30pm Personal Time until sleep

Sunday:
7:00am Breakfast
8:00am Morning Group Meditation
* 9:00am Noble Silence ends
9:00-12:00 Loving Kindness and Closing
12:00 Final Lunch, Cleanup, Goodbyes
Departure after cleanup as necessary.

Location

Location is still to be determined. I would like to do one on the west coast and one on the east coast so that it's accessible for my friends on both sides of the country. The west coast retreat will probably be held in Felton, CA (near Santa Cruz).

The location(s) will ideally be in a quiet area with some access to trails and nature.

----

That is the idea for now. More details will be added as they become available.

Be Happy

Retreat at Kelseyville Center - NCVC

I recently sat a course at the new Goenka center in Kelseyville, CA.  It was a wonderful place for a retreat.  It's located about 20 minutes from Harbin Hot Springs, and about 2-3 hours north of San Francisco. 

It's a smaller center than the North Fork center.  The smaller size makes things much easier, logistically.  The line for lunch isn't as long, and it isn't too crowded.  I saw some amazing wildlife: blue-tailed skink, a family of wild turkey, lots of deer, and more.

The walking trails go up the hill behind the meditation hall, so you can get quite a workout going up and down the hill.  It offers a tranquil forest setting, which is great for a break from sitting.  I stayed in a tent at the top of the hill, and the tent spaces were very nice. They were farther from the street, and somewhat secluded.  I loved seeing the stars at night through the mesh ceiling of my tent. 

I don't know what the indoor accommodations were like, but I saw quite a few dorms.  I don't think they have very many single rooms, so be prepared to share your space.  The showers were clean and plentiful. 

I had a great time, and most likely I will be back again.

Long Term Service - FAQ

A number of people have asked me questions about my experience living at the Vipassana center in North Fork, so I wanted to do a follow up to one of my original posts.  I know that it can sometimes be hard to get a hold of anyone at the center to answer your questions (after all, they are all volunteers.)  So, here are my answers.  I will try to update this if I get more questions:

Q: I have sit a couples of course and recently I have been thinking about staying there and serving the the center on a long/short term basis... I would like to know when you are not serving or sitting the course.  Do they have a fixed schedule for you to follow?  Will they allow access to the internet etc during those times or even when you were serving?

A: If you are staying at the center, here are the rules as far as I know.  This is UNOFFICIAL... so I will always defer to whatever they tell you:
1) You have to stay on the five precepts and meditate a minimum of 2 hours per day no matter what. Even if you take a day trip up to Yosemite, there shall be no boozing and fornicating.
2) When serving a course, you are expected to follow the server schedule which includes six hours of work per day and 3 hours of sitting.  If, for some reason you need to sit or rest more and work less, they usually can accommodate that.  Internet use, phone calls, leaving the center, etc. are all discouraged while a course is in progress, but sometimes they will make an exception if you ask and it seems reasonable.
3) Courses generally end on a Sunday morning.  That Sunday is considered the day off.  (Yep, one day off every 2 weeks.)  You still need to meditate 2-3 hours, but otherwise you can do whatever you want: internet, yosemite, skinny dipping in waterfalls, hiking, movies.  One time, a group of servers went to see the latest horror movie which just came out (I declined the invitation.)
4) From Monday until the next course is considered a service period which has it's own rule.  Basically, you will follow a schedule similar to the server schedule (6 hours of work, 3 hours of meditation)  except with a bit more lenience about leaving for day trips or using internet, etc.
5) In general, at no time are you supposed to do anything other than practice dhamma or do dhamma service on center grounds.  So, that means no reading (other than approved dhamma books.) No listening to your ipod, no playing guitar, etc.  If you want, you can just drive down to the end of the driveway and play your guitar by the street for an hour and then return.  Personally, I kind of like this rule, because it really keeps the intention crystal clear about the purpose of the center.
6) One more note: the time after lunch clean up, from 1:00-2:30 is considered break time and it is highly recommended to get in bed and take a nap.  This is great rest, and you will probably need it. If a there is no course going on, it can be a good time for a quick email check, as well.

Q: Anyway, it is great to know that I am not the only one want to live the dream of staying at a center.  It seems a little scary but at least now I know someone else has done it.

A: You are definitely not the only one.  I met dozens of servers staying anywhere from 2 days to 2 years or more.  The scariest part is taking the leap, but actually there is nothing to be afraid of.  It will take some work to return to your householders life after your stay at the center, but Vipassana meditators never shy away from a little work, right?

Cushion Report: Christmas in the Woods

Here's a report from my meditation experiences on my most recent retreat. I'm not sure if I've explained before why I post the details of my inner life on the internet for all to see. So, first let me explain the reasoning and then on to the report.

The thing about meditation that I never understood before I actually did it is that it is real. There is a lot that goes on in the mind that has significant consequences on one's experience of life – much more than most people realize. When I mentioned my retreat to a friend recently, he joked: “My meditation is watching TV.” It was a good joke, and I laughed, but I was also reminded of what I used to think meditation was. I'm not sure what I thought it was, but I didn't understand why anyone prefer such an activity over something as enjoyable as watching TV.

However, the thing about the inner workings of meditation is that no one else knows what's going on if you don't talk about it. It's called the inner world because it is inaccessible to other people without the aid of descriptions and explanations straight from the person's mouth. So, in the spirit of understanding the nature of subjective experience, I like to share my experience and I like to hear about the experiences of others. It may be that someday the inner world is no longer shrouded in mystery and is as well known to humanity as the rest of the natural world.

So, let me begin. My memory is already fading, but I recall that for the first couple of days my mind was settling down significantly. I had a number of sits where I would walk to the hall thinking “I have no idea what's going to happen, and I don't even think I know what to do.” And, then I would sit, and my attention would go the breath, and I would become very very calm. By the end of the sit, I was quite at peace.

This deepening of concentration was a theme at different points through the retreat. At one point, I hit a stage which the mind was so naturally with the breath that it would've taken effort to place the mind elsewhere. The way I would describe it is that applied and sustained effort dropped away and the mind just stayed put. The Buddha talked about “applied and sustained effort,” but I don't know if he meant the same thing as me. I'm using the words just in a literal sense of applying and sustaining effort.

Also worth noting were a few moments interspersed throughout the retreat where thinking really started to drop away. I was quite surprised by such an experience, because it was so different to be aware in a way where thoughts aren't arising. All that was there were sensations, arising and passing. However, these no-thought moments were very brief (like maybe a second). I remembered back to an event that occurred a couple of years ago in which I woke up from a dream to find myself in a very deep thoughtless state of consciousness and this lead to an instant reaction of fear. In that moment, it was a great fear that I didn't exist. So, I take it as a good sign of improvement that I can now access a similar state without any averse reactions.

Turning the mind toward insight, I found my mind being blown quite a few times throughout the retreat. There were many moments of “no way! Whaaa??!,” as I discovered more and more layers of experience which had been shrouded in delusion. I may say that things certainly were not the way I thought they were. Over and over again. Yet, I set my mind to push onward and keep practicing through every precious moment of the retreat.

There were times during which the practice was revealed to me with stunning clarity, and it all seemed so simple. All that was needed was to just remain aware of what's happening right now. It seemed so simple. As attention grew more and more attuned to the direct and ever changing experience of right now, things began to synchronize and settle. As the mind began to cloud again, and things became unknown and confusing, there was faith to keep going just being aware of the moment as it arises and as it passes. And, with time, these chunks of unknown experience would also begin to dissolve and break apart, bringing insight and understanding.

I have often thought of there being a moment in the retreat at which time I can say to myself: “this was worth the money.” Of course, with this retreat, and all Goenka retreats, there is no money to pay, so it is purely a metaphorical expression. What it means to me is that all of the time, effort, and expenses of every kind were worth it for the benefit of the insights I gained here. Usually, I experience this early on in the retreat, and then get several more days of bonus value after that. This high return on investment may explain why I keep going back for more. During this retreat, I remember some profound insights occurred on day 4 that made it all worthwhile for me. I thought to myself, “this was worth the money.” Then, a number of times on the days to come, I got exponentially more out of the retreat than just those piddly first four days.

It is hard to explain what I got, however. The best I can say is that when I have been walking around for years inside a very deeply embedded delusion or illusion, and then all of a sudden it is seen for what it really is.... these can be the kinds of things that could take years, decades or lifetimes to come across without the tool of meditation.

I understand if this is vague and I don't have any more specifics, but I think I can muster a simple example of what I'm talking about by delusion. Let's say there is a thought which says “I want xyz. Therefore, I want to try to get xyz in the future.” This thought may be so deeply embedded into the background of experience that I never notice that it is a thought. Instead, I think that I actually want xyz, and that I'm actually just going to try to get it. This doesn't seem like a thought; it seems like reality. Then, one day on retreat, perhaps I see the thought arise and pass, like a cloud in the sky. It is empty, it is conditioned, it is just a transitory wave across my mind. It has no reality. The thought vibration of this present moment, this is the reality. “Right now there is thinking.” This is the reality, and, in my understanding, this is awakening. It's a marvelous process.

As I neared day 9, my attention became a bit tumultuous and filled again with thoughts of the future. Nonetheless, I kept at the practice until the very last minute of the last meditation hour while on retreat. I continued to break new ground. Even as we began to speak to others I was gaining valuable insights and maturing in my understanding of being human.

Through it all, I still feel a bit dumbfounded and amazed. I feel like such a beginner and so clueless about the whole thing. I am ready to keep going.

10-Day Vipassana Christmas Course (Occidental, CA)

One Hundred Forty Nine Female Meditators; Ninety Seven Male Meditators; Twenty One Kitchen Staff; Seven Course Managers; Four Assistant Teachers; One Big Video Screen.

The photo to the left doesn't quite capture the magnitude of a hall seating more than 250 meditators. So, let me try to put it into words - messy, but well disciplined - crowded but cooperative - long lines, but loud laughter too - snoring dormitories, but shared experience. Add to this the extra ingredient of a special once a year Christmas holiday-time course to bring people together and make for a thriving 10 day community in the woods of Occidental.

For anyone thinking of attending this course, which has a been ongoing now for several years, I will share some highlights of this year's experience.

The course ended this morning, and I'm typing this now on a foggy winter day, but the weather was sunny and bright for most of the course. There was not a drop of rain this year. This probably made the shoe-room more friendly (less muddy) when entering the hall for both group sits and meals. Yes, the dining hall and meditation hall were in the same building! A office cubicle type partition separated the two and a white cloth separated the women's dining hall from the men's.

Accommodations were tight; women were often left in the bathroom line while the next group sit had already begun. Cushions were close in the hall. Walking the dining room with a full tray of vipassana food was like a dance to avoid bumping one another. The kitchen staff worked nearly non stop through the course keeping a constant load of clean dishes ready for use.

The dormitories had six bunk beds, so provided space for twelve meditators. This made for wonderful antics such as the battle to control the heater and the three windows. Every night, the room temperature was different as we slept. (Note that this was in spite of the posted sign stating: Please ask a manager to adjust the heat). The first few nights I woke up in a hot sweat. But, since I probably not the only one, somebody opened a window and soon it was more like the 40 degree weather outside.

Each person had a distinctive way of either slamming the door with a bang or slowly guiding it closed with a whisper. A number of my dorm-mates were sleep talkers which provided amusement for the insomniacs. I suppose it could have been really bad, but I actually enjoyed sharing in such an intimate experience with them all.

There were not very long walking paths, but enough to get the heart pumping if you wanted to. The food was delicious, as usual, following similar recipes to the North Fork vipassana center.

Very few people left the course before the end, which seemed to be a good sign. All together it didn't have the cushy luxury of the North Fork center, but provided a fun setting for a special holiday. Christmas was on Day six, and I could not think of a better way to spend it.

Perhaps the best part is that when the course was over, we were able to break all the rules (since we were no longer on official vipassana course land). This meant that on Day 11, we gave hugs goodbye, and one guy played his melodious Indian raga flute for us all. Physical touch and music of any kind are always prohibited at course centers. I like breaking rules, especially with flute music in the forest on a cold foggy morning.

Back To The Cushion

Well, after a lot of fun with family, friends, and close companions during the holidays... I'm now returning to the cushion for some more meditation. Two things are on my agenda. First, I've signed up for another Goenka retreat at the North Fork Vipassana Center in early February. It's been a while since I've been on formal retreat, so this should be fun! And Second, I've started working with a new meditation teacher, Kenneth Folk. He really seems to fit for where I'm at and what my goals are right now. I'm finding it much easier to understand the technique with his guidance and to really know exactly what I'm doing and how to best use my time.

So, I'm back on the cushion and practicing with a gusto. I will probably post more soon on how things progress.

Wonderful

An Island Hidden In The Sound

"There's an island hidden in the sound...
come and see."
- The Decemberists

This Is It

"The most essential principle I wish to drive home is that THIS IS IT, meaning that this moment contains the truth. Any model [of Enlightenment] that tries to drive a wedge between the specifics of what is happening in your world right now and what awakening entails needs to be considered with great skepticism. With the simple exception of the fact of poorly perceiving the sensations occurring now and habitually coming up with the illusion of a separate, continuous individual, nearly all of the rest of the dreams are problematic to some degree. This basic principle is essential to practice, as it focuses things on the here and now, and also happens to be true."
- Daniel Ingram

IMC Dharma Talk with Gil Fronsdal

Last Monday, on my way up to Abhayagiri, I finally had a chance to stop in at the Insight Meditation Center, in Redwood City, CA. I'd been wanting to go to an event there for a while, since I've known many people who have attended classes and talks there and spoke highly of it. And it is Maria's (my stepmom) local Sangha in which she is very actively participating.

We sat for 45 minutes in meditation, and this was followed by a 45 minute question and answer period with Gil. As always, it was nice to have a group of people to sit with, and it was also nice to hear Gil field the questions. I don't remember much of the questions, but I know I had a good time. Gil has a very easy going demeanor and made some funny comments. One funny moment was when someone asked about all the "shoulds" in her life. She wanted to get away from all the shoulds. Gil was sure to point out that we don't need to eliminate the word "should" from the English language (although it can be quite oppressive for some). As an example, he said "If you want to go to pee, you should go to the bathroom... at least at IMC, you should... we have carpets!"

I think it's cool how Gil seems to be able to touch many people worldwide through his Audio Dharma, and other such resources. But, also the community has a very local feel to it. Those living close by could be quite grateful to have such a lively and supportive group.

I hope I'll have a chance to go back at some point, especially if Maria gives another talk there sometime, which I'd love to attend.

I'm writing a little something about my trip to the Monastery, too. I'll post it here with all my photos when I get a free moment (I'm a working man now, so not as much time! - but the job is also going well.)

Right now, I'm on my way to my storage unit to get everything out. Soon, I'll be giving most of the stuff away, or selling it. I can feel the fears and the clinging coming up as I consider getting rid of my "stuff." But... it's just "stuff," and it will be nice to know that I'm no longer holding a random closet full of junk hostage in Tracy, CA.

Spirit Rock, Abhayagiri, and California Living

I've been back in the US for a few days now, but it seems like I've already done a lot! I visited with family and friends, and saw a lot of the ol' hometown sights around the Bay Area. I took a nice hike out to the ocean with my dad too. The beard has been quite a centerpiece of conversation, but it's days are numbered (my friend Whit has some clippers here in SF)

So, as the wheels of time turn, opportunities are opening up in front of me once again. I'm still leaving my plans very open-ended, with an eye toward what will continue to deepen this process of unfolding that's going on within me. But, I also would like to check out some of the great practice spots here in California - since I'm here. Someone asked if I had "wanderlust," as I seem to be moving around a lot. Actually, I'd prefer to stay settled for maybe 6 months or a year or two. At the risk of sounding overly practical, what I'm really looking for is a place where I can get the most meditation for the longest amount of time at the lowest cost - simple economics. I thought that having good instruction and teachings would be important, but after the last few months, I realize that it's not totally essential for me, though definitely welcome. Quiet solitude is pretty essential though.

Well, I went by Spirit Rock this morning and saw the grounds, and even said "Hi" to Jack Kornfield (he said "Hi" back, and then went on his way). They have a stipend residential work position open that looks tempting, and I'll probably put in my resume just to see if I get a nibble. Spirit Rock is absolutely stunning! It's probably about as big as the Sattal Ashram, with excellent quiet nature, but less Indian tourists and chaos. Plus, it's actually used solely for Dharma practice (as the Sattal ashram was not). Definitely a 5 star retreat center, and it would be a beautiful place to live! Almost too beautiful!

Also, I ran into a Dharma friend who I've been corresponding with who is heading up to Abhayagiri monastery in Northern California in a couple weeks. I've been wanting to get up there as I've had a number of friends tell me about it now. But, I didn't know how I'd find a ride. F-A-T-E... wouldn't you know it? I get offered for a ride as soon as I ask. It's like magic. Since it's a monastery, I suppose there's always the off chance that I'll shave my head and won't come out. But, at any rate, it will be a wonderful opportunity.

I also would like to get down to Wat Metta in Southern California, and the new Goenka center near Sebastapol, and of course back to the North Fork Center to see the pagoda that's being built there too! There's a lot of Dharma in this region of the world, too much to even list it all here. Karma is good to me!

In addition, I'll be emptying my storage unit soon, so this all should keep me busy for a little while.

People are telling me that I seem pretty much like the same Daniel. I don't really feel the same (and as a wonderful monk in Korea once told me: "not a moment goes by that the mountain doesn't change.") But, I think I get the sentiment.

- Still Daniel

Sattal Retreat with OpenDharma.org

"Welcome to heaven... at least... looks like heaven to me." These were the first words from Ajay Singh, one of three instructors, at the start of my 40 day retreat.

It was the opening talk. We were cozily situated in the stunning hill-top chapel at Sattal Christian Ashram. Mattresses were strewn across the floor so that each person could sit or lie down as ever they found most comfortable. Many were already lying down (including myself) and already deeply content. A soft breeze passed through the spacious windows which opened out to views of lush forest and green mountains. A large but simple wooden cross stood behind the three instructors, and only added to the peace and beauty of the space. With forty days ahead of us, there was a feeling of having all the time in the world. And in between the words, the only sound which could be heard was the gentle songs of the local birds - like a welcoming chorus from our hosts.

Yes, it looks like Heaven to me too!

The other two instructors were Jaya and Jess, and each brought a different face to the Dharma. I'm sure I can't do them justice, but I'll still attempt a short description.

Ajay comes from Lucknow, India. His joy is incredibly infectious, and there is nothing more fun than watching him break into a fit of laughter so strong that his eyes begin to water and he can no longer speak. His teachings are simple, and his favorite way to teach seems to be in translating some of his most loved Hindu texts for us. For the first 10 days, he read from Kabir, and for the last 30 days he read from the Yoga Vashishta.

Jaya comes from North Carolina, but calls home to both India and Spain. Her two year old son may have also been called a teacher as his presence brought a certain innocence to the retreat. What I remember most about Jaya is that on two random occasions I happened to make eye contact with her. Both occasions were of the nature that they could've been on of those awkward retreat moments where you end up communicating, but not sure if you're supposed to communicate, but not really sure what you're communicating, and not sure why you're even looking anyway. But, no. Instead, it happened in those moments that I was smiling, and so was she. And, it was just the most natural meeting of smiles and meeting of eyes that seemed to have a flavor of knowing to it - like what was expressed in the moment was just known very deeply without words. Or then again, maybe it was just a smile.

Jess comes from Australia and she brought a lot of enthusiasm to the retreat. I spoke with her in a couple of personal interviews and felt the warm support of a good friend. She also gave a radiant and brilliantly alive discourse on women, the feminine, tantra, and spirituality which led to some pretty wild dreams for me that night!

None of the teachers were Christian, of course, so the Jesus paraphernalia of the ashram brought it's own energy as well. In fact, on Day 15, we were asked to move out of the chapel and into a small barn to continue our questionable non-sectarian practices.

The schedule was pretty relaxed for the first ten days, and even more relaxed for the thirty after that. For me, it involved a lot of lying around. Also, occasional events were organized like a group walk through the hills, or singing in the hall every few nights. It was like my dream summer camp: A beautiful swimming lake, hiking, lying around, listening to good Dharma, and best of all - no talking!

There were also three meals a day provided of delicious Indian food.

The encouragement to meditate in the lying posture is somewhat unique to Open Dharma and what a treat! I can't say that it ever led to "Sloth, Torpor, and Laziness" as the strict Buddhists would claim. Too bad for them.

The ashram itself is on 340 acres of land and includes access to two lakes, one of which I swam in every other day. The other lake we took a boat ride on, on day 38. There were both brown and grey monkeys, dozens of birds (including parrots, eagles, and something that looked like Toucan Sam meets Woody the Woodpecker!) and even leopards, though no leopards were spotted by any of the retreatants. The huts were comfortable and reminiscent of an old Austrian monastery with stone and concrete walls and aging wooden furniture.

Living forty days with a group of people without talking can be quite an intense and also intimate experience. I felt a deep connection with everyone there even if I didn't say anything to them. In fact, I think the crowd was one of the most enjoyable of any retreat I've done so far - perhaps because of the level of commitment it takes to travel to India and spend 40 days of your life in silence.

I'm not sure if they will be doing this retreat again (given the situation with the chapel) but if so, I hope I can attend.

As always, I've posted my photos from Sattal in my Picasa album, but for more photos, you can see the album of my friend Dave (another American) who has also posted his photos online (some are shown here.)

Goenka's Dehra Dun Vipassana Center

I almost punched a monk. Well, not really, but the thought did cross my mind.

If you've been reading this far, you may notice that India and I have had our differences. And, maybe I've been a little hard on Mother India at times. So, without the harshness (and without punching anyone) I'll take this opportunity to celebrate the differences before I leave tomorrow.

I'll start by commending the tolerant meditators who patiently waited in line for every meal. This is the first and only time I've actually seen people stand in line in India. Beautiful! The only two men who cut in line were the two Hindu Sadhus (monks). I understand that probably there is some tradition behind this behavior, but I wondered why a monk wouldn't want to wait like us common folk. Do they have a busy schedule to attend to?

The dish washing station, however, was typical Indian chaos and this is where the fateful run-in went down. Being the irreverent westerner that I am, I was practicing non-cooperation with the pushing and crowding at the dish station (ala Ghandi's Satiyagraha). Instead, I decided to calmly wait for an opening to appear. The monk wasn't having it, though, and finding my presence to be quite an obstruction, he broke the rule of "no physical contact at the center" to push me aside and jump on the next available sink. I will admit, I got angry, but that's just par for the course.

To quickly contrast with California, people there have been known to freak out even if they see people shaking hands or (god forbid) hugging at the center! In fact, on the last day of this retreat some of the younger Indian men gave each other so much physical contact that it would appear to most Westerners as quite sexual.

My first impression of center (officially named Dhamma Salila) was that of a labor camp. Rules were posted quite prominently, the assistant teacher was commanding with his instructions, and the bells were rung loudly. It looked quite oppressive and not in line with a path of compassion and wisdom. So, for the first two days I contemplated an escape. But, eventually I came to realize that no one would follow the rules well anyway and it was mostly just a show. My observation is that Indian's firstly are so saturated with spirituality already, and secondly they tend toward a sheep and shepherd mentality with their "guru," so this may explain the extra hoo-haa about discipline.

To add to the chaos, there was a group of young men attending who weren't really there of their own free will. The Suriya Foundation (manufacturers of light bulbs, etc.) apparently includes a Goenka course as a mandatory part of their job training program - No course, no job! This bathc of trainees had all recently completed graduate degrees and were in training for management positions. Their three month, 24 hour per day training program also included a seven day naturopathy fast! Once trained and secure in their job, these bachelors would then e ready to settle into an arranged marriage. It all seemed like a Eastern version of the 1950's American dream.

There were almost 30 of them and none seemed to have gotten much from the course. A few, at least, said that they might want to come back some day on their own to really give it a fair trial.

There was, thus, a large range in the level of seriousness of the students. At the end, people came to tell me, "you were 100% committed. I only gave maybe 70-80%," and other such comments. Who knew there was a ranking system? I actually was pretty disciplined, except with regards to lying down and sleeping. These two activities seem to help my meditation a lot.

Dhamma Salila was much smaller than the California Vipassana Center, but the California one is known as one of the largest and most comfy. In Dehra Dun, they do have the addition of a pagoda, and this got me excited. It's a building with many small (3ft. X 6ft.) cells for isolated meditation.

My cell in the pagoda faced in on the center cell which (I dare say) had a creepy resemblence to a peep show somehwere in San Francisco. The middle cell of the entire circular complex had a white thrown where I image only teachers are allowed to sit. I didn't have to put quarters in to see, though, I just looked through the small metal grated vent at the bottom of the door separating our two cells. Other than this, I found it to be quite a tranquil place, perhaps like a holding cell on the spaceship of some advanced alien race. It was painted white with a small dome at the top where light would shine in. The best time for the pagoda was about 4:30am-5:30am when it was pitch black, and very queit.

The food was good too, and rumored to be better than other Indian centers.

I couldn't imagine if this had been my first Goenka course. I think the Indian idosyncracies would have broken me. And, I don't know if I'll do another Goenka retreat in India.

Overall, the experience was just beautiful. Dhamma Salila is on the bank of a small river (which you must wade through on your way out,) and there are a number of mango trees and a tall banyan tree on the property. They run the courses on about $3 per person per day which is impressive. And, I should say that I met some incredibly friendly and delightful people - despite the cultural differences and the repetitive "What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?" May they all grow in Dhamma.

Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam. Be happy.

Cushion Report: Fifty Days of Wu Wei

I like this word "wu wei." It's from the Chinese and is translated as non-doing, non-action, or non-interference. Maybe I like it because it reminds me of when I was about 21 and I fell in love with the Tao Te Ching. I still think if I had to be stuck on an island with only one book, I might choose that one.

The Master does nothing,
yet nothing is left undone.
A foolish man is always doing,
Yet much remains to be done.

- Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching (38)

As this story unfolds, you may see the significance of this concept, but let's start at the start. I didn't journal everyday, but rather every 5 days for the first 40 days and not at all while on the Goenka retreat (as per Goenka's rules.) So, this will be quite a condensed version of the vast lifetime of experience that occurs in 50+ days.

Day 0: By great fortune, the retreat began for me almost instantly upon my arrival, and by that I mean the inner process began. Within a few hours of just being on the gorgeous property, I found myself in deep surrender. I willingly gave up all expectations for the next 40 days and decided to just let whatever happens be whatever happens. It was like there wasn't a single drop of desire in me that could have imposed my will on the next 40 days. Or put another way, it was like looking at the trees, and the mountains and saying "I'm yours!" Thus, the retreat was underway.

Day 5: "Experience. Everything is experience. No control, no forcing, letting go. Layer after layer. At times wild ride, at times quite plain. Just being, just sitting, just walking."

I had an image of those folks you hear about in the cornfields of the mid-west who form welcoming crews for the aliens. I was the welcoming crew, except not for aliens but for the inner experience of Truth.

Day 10: "Lots of 'dream work.' The dream-life boundary not so strong. Powerful dreams, lucid dreams, deep states of knowing consciousness. Still enjoying myself."

The crisp immediate presence with moment-to-moment experience would come and go. My slogan became: "Don't force it." (Thanks Damian!) and with that I was experience a lot of ease.

Day 10 was a transition day because some people only came for 10 days and some people were arriving for the next 30. This turbulence proved to be the start of a new chapter in the retreat.

Day 15: "Long five days - seems like long time since I last wrote... just kinda walking around, eating, etc. Same 'ol same 'ol. Thinking a lot too... Mind/thought/figuring out, etc. is becoming more and more obvious of it's uselessness. Like unemployed mind - going out of business. More and more just being with direct experience.
'But it doesn't make sense' <-- exactly!
Not much "makes sense" to my mind over the last few days, but I'm just kinda going with it... Feels like waking up, but can't say that I totally enjoy it. I'm still really liking this idea: "slowly and quietly, just going about my day, going about the practice." No frills - simplicity - the simplest thing - Life."

The quote above "slowly and quietly..." was from an observation Christopher Titmuss made about the monks and nuns who seemed to make the most progress while he was in the monastery.

At this point, I wasn't really going on any "meditation instructions" so to speak. My practice basically looked like how I described it above, that simple.

Day 20: "Too much to write. Days 10-18 were tough - got in some mind loops... More trust in experience - less dependence on mental constructs... only 3 weeks left. he he..."

This trust comment in my journal is significant. Much of the retreat (and even my daily practice now) seems to be around learning to trust the actuality of my being rather than the self I think of myself as through mental images. A quick digression here...

Reading A.H. Almaas, it seems that ego psychology now posits that one reason we may have such a large brain which creates mental constructs, self-other images, and ultimately an ego, may be for the survival of the infant. That is to say that for an infant to be separated from his/her mother might be quite difficult to bear, but if the child has an image of "mother" in mind then no loss is detected.

The individual, that is the self-image, is supported psychically by the presence of the mother's image; thus the child does not feel alone when physically separate from the mother. He feels supported by the presence of the mother's image, which gives him the sense of security which allows him to be away from her, and makes it safer to regard her as an autonomous person.
- A.H. Almaas, The Pearl Beyond Price

The only problem is that this sense of security is based on an image and thus either one will always live life as an image or approximation of themselves, or this deeper insecurity must be addressed.

So, that's my digression, for which you can forgive me if it was overly-intellectual and wordy. In reality, I really was just kinda walking around, sitting, eating, and lying in bed.

"Day 25:
Sublime
Being as is. Listening inside.
I'm starting to hear myself.
She's calling me home.
"Trust," she says.
Trust.
Everyday, the mind game grows weaker.
I know the way.
Just Be. Just Be. Just Be."

Seeing as how my journal entry is a poem, and how I refer to myself in the feminine, it may be self-explanatory that I was near the peak of my trippiness for this retreat. (And, it's not without a small amount of shyness that I reprint my poem here.)

Perhaps it's a good time to mention that there was a very feminine quality to my Open Dharma retreat. Perhaps due to the nature of the retreat and the instructors (which hopefully I can write about later.) My relationship with the feminine in me grew significantly. I'll also briefly mention that when I got to the Goenka retreat (the last 10 days), I noticed some movement back toward the masculine. But, this whole masculine-feminine topic is way too much to get into now.

Day 30: "It feels like the retreat just started. Day 26-29 were a bit rough and stormy. Today, I'm taking rest. Day off. Recuperate. A lot of stuff has happened, but none of it seems like such a big deal. Right now, I'm fantasizing about living in a Japanese Monastery... still here. Not doing much... I love just being. Loving wu wei. Loving love. Still such DEEP longings. Belly longings. So many wants/So many dreams and Desires."

Worth noting in this journal entry is the word "rest." Throughout the 40 days, I became much more proficient at resting, and I'm continuing the practice even today. At times, it's quite difficult.

Day 35: "35 days!... Heaven here. Saw a snake today, and the waterfall. Too hard to explain how this has all unfolded. What do I usually say to this journal?
Nothing Special?
Living my life - ups and downs.
Coming to know myself more and more.
Loving meditation, and realizing more that "being" is meditation is presence is my nature... so really loving meditation is loving myself, loving the truth of my being.
Some shitty days have come and gone. It's hard to say I'm "progressing," as life still feels quite ordinary. But, I am coming to know myself and to know the images which have played the role of "myself" for quite some time. Funny, I'm also realizing how this path really leads nowhere. Like, there's really nothing in it for me. The meaning of Life is Life itself (not me, he he...) Looks like a lot of work still ahead of me."

Day 40: "Wow... uh... what? That was forty days? ummm... huh? *Time*..?
I just talked with Ajay. I said it seems like both:
- I've arrived! I'm here!
- AND... keep going!
He said: "Yes, keep flying with both the feathers."
It's a weird feeling. Doesn't feel particularly special in any way - just feels "ok"... I'm leaving tomorrow, but so far, even "leaving" doesn't feel like "leaving." It just feels like change - more life.
... The silence is a little unnerving. And in fact, it makes sense why I spend my life trying to fill the silence - because there's really nothing there. There's really nothing when the noise fades away. Just Being. And, then, when the time is right, things come. And then they go. And that's just life. Just here. That's all."

And with that my 40 day retreat ended, but I saw no reason to stop there. I got on an overnight train to Dehra Dun and started a ten-day Goenka retreat the next day.

Days 42-44 (Day 0-2 for Goenka):
I didn't like the center much at all when I arrived. (I hope to write about it in another post. Mostly the issue was body pain.) And, I spent the first 2 days considering a run for the exit. I decided that I would leave on one and only one condition: kindness toward myself. No other excuse could make me budge, but if the strict ascetic discipline of the Goenka center even for one moment required me to compromise my own self-kindness, I would've left.

Happily, however, I learned by day 45 (day 3) that the harshness was mostly in appearance only. And by day 3, I was able to settle into , my own rhythm which, though still strict, was sufficiently loving for the needs of my mind and body.

Due to the extra restrictions of Goenka's courses, I had a more intense experience there than in Sattal. I found myself entering some rather altered states and to be honest, I don't even remember day 3-7 (day 45-49).

By around Day 50 (Day 8), thoughts of the outside world started to come in... checking email, blogging, etc. and I slowly transitioned to the end (Day 11/54)

No notes for my Goenka retreat, but it continued along the same threads. I did my best to follow Goenka's technique (observing bodily sensations), while still staying true to my maxim: "Don't force it." (thanks Damian). Mostly, I stayed within the peculiarities of his technique but had quite an interesting experience perhaps around Day 5 (day 47):
Quite spontaneously, my mind started meditating according to another technique from another tradition (Mahasi-style noting). I actually made an attempt to stop it as I wanted to stay in the spirit of "when in Goenkaland, do as the Goenkans." To my surprise, I was unable to stop it, and instead I surrendered to it and found myself having quite a profound meditative experience. But, this did beg the question: "Who's doing the meditating here?" Since it was occurring against my will, who's will was it?

This inquiry is still unfolding for me now in my daily practice, and I think it will continue to unfold as well.

At any rate, I've tried to give a fairly honest and open account here of my experience, but of course, it can only be partial. May it be of some value.

I'll defer to Ghandi to give this last point a better treatment:

I find myself confronted with a fresh problem. What things to mention and what to omit... If things that are relevant are omitted, truth will be dimmed. And it is difficult to decide straightaway what is relevant, when I am not even sure about the relevancy of writing this story... I know that I do not set down in this story all that I remember. Who can say how much I must give and how much omit in the interest of truth? And what would be the value in a court of law of the inadequate ex parte evidence being tendered by me of certain events of my life?...

I, therefore, wonder for a moment whether it might not be proper to stop writing... But so long as there is no prohibition from the voice within, I must continue writing.

- Ghandi, from his autobiography

Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu
Well said, Ghandi. Well said.

Cushion Report: Six Days In The Lab

Although it's a weird experience for me to try to share my meditations through these cushion reports, I've gotten some really great feedback that a number of people have gotten inspired to start meditating again. I smile, hearing that.

So, here is the report from my six day self-retreat here in Mcleod Ganj. I've edited this report down a lot. Usually, I'm not a fan of censorship, but there were a couple reasons:
1. It was REALLY long.
2. It probably just wouldn't make much sense to those who haven't practice meditation as much.
3. It may have inadvertently confused, offended, bored, depressed, upset (or who knows what else) to those who weren't really interested in reading that much detail. (If you find such a reaction anyway, please just disregard my ramblings and be happy!)
Anyway, here it goes ~
...

I'd been thinking about meditation and how it's like a completely different movement of the mind. Like a 5th dimension. Time, Space, and (to steal a word from Stephen Colbert) "Truthiness"... a dimension of truthiness from illusion to the Ultimate. And, meditation is movement along that 5th dimension.

I'm staying in Mcleod Ganj, India (home of the Dalai Lama), and thought it'd be good for a little self retreat (6 days). I managed it on about $7 per day for room and board, and had a beautiful rooftop terrace to do my walking meditation on (with eagles flying overhead!) I may come back and do it again someday, as it worked so well.

I was reading a little bit of Ch. 4 and 5 of Mastering The Core Teachings Of The Buddha to prepare, when something clicked. I instantly wanted to return to the lab and continue the experiment. I made a strong resolve to start right away and spend the entire six days focused on stepping out of the story and into the ultimate. To travel the 5th dimension!

With this boost of inspiration, I started strong, with long stretches of concentration - not missing a single breath. Psychological "stuff" started to emerge after about 3 hours of this, and moving into Day 2 as well. I felt like how I imagine the start of a Peyote trip would be. I was emotionally vomiting all the anger, blame, tightness, and other "stuff" that had been clogged up.

Around 3:00PM on Day 2, rather suddenly, the storm simply passed. There was calm, and the "trip" was officially underway.

Day 3: I switched from breath to sensations and my concentration was beginning to return. By the afternoon, I was getting emotional again, but this time with a heart much wider open. Not so much caught up in my personal story, but more filled with compassion for all beings.

I was feeling the pain of the Indian working man on the street... feeling the vulnerability of life when one customer spending 200 rupees ($5) could make or break your day! My heart ached.

Keeping with the meditation into the evening, I decided to attend the candle light march through the streets of Mcleod Ganj that night. The monks and lay people had gathered in protest of the killing of innocent Tibetans in China. This brought up a lot of emotions, and in particular there was one monk who every time I looked at him, I started crying. The look on his face told the a profound story. The release came from deep in my belly. There is a photo I took of him to the left.

The morning of Day 4: concentration was weak again. I realized that I was still only at the surface of the mind with the tears, thoughts, and insights. And, I realized that going to the depth (going to truthiness) meant going to the bare sensations.

Regroup and keep practicing.

Day 4 afternoon: I was having a rough time (lots of pain), so I decided to journal. My journaling itself became part of the process and after about 20 minutes I was dropping into some pretty profound states of peace. But, more important than the peace, I was really seeing Anicca (impermanence) from moment to moment with all that was arising. This lead to the awakening of equanimity within.

After this, my mind continued to calm down and sink into the peace. More ease, less suffering. Pains loosened, energy flowing. I didn't sleep much that night.

Day 5 morning: Energy channels were opening and flowing. Waves of pleasant sensations and relaxation through the body. When the mind was resting on objects, anicca (impermanence) and anatta (not-self) were seen.

The surface was happy and calm, but also present was a subtle restlessness and aversion to slowing down any more. Not sitting - pain in neck, back, hips, knees, but this was a quieter pain now. This felt like healing.

The resistance was now at a much subtler level. Equanimity was strong and very balanced. I continued to apply effort to keep peeling off layers from that core agitation, while also maintaining the balanced mind. Equanimity continued to strengthen into the afternoon. More energy was flowing, more peace. Concentration was still scattered, so I kept the effort on.

Morning of Day 6: Up at 4AM. Equanimity was still strong, and lots of Joy. With this came also lots of Pride, Arrogance, and rehearsing conversations. When I saw the pride and restless mind, I resolved to put fierce effort into anapana and still the mind. I spent about 2 hours in a battle (loving but fierce) to keep attention with the breath. It felt very appropriate, and then I just let go and napped for abut 30 minutes.

Upon awakening again, I had a beautiful full body contraction with quivering. A "relaxing into, and release." (Feels kinda like finally going to the bathroom when you've been waiting a couple years to go)

Despite the anapana, the mind was still wandering. However, mindfulness and investigation were strengthening while equanimity was solid. "Discipline and acceptance - continue the process. Breath by Breath." - I wrote in my journal.

This continued through the morning and into the afternoon. Self-image defenses were arising, along with body pain again. Another storm had hit, but equanimity and happiness were still present and very little involvement with "my stuff."

Practicing a tip from Thanissarro Bhikkhu, I focused on the sensations of the Joy. This spread into more joy and metta. "Metta for my body, metta for my mom, metta for my watch, metta for my camera." This dance of pain and equanimity continued into the night.

Day 7: Retreat's over. I took a wonderful 18km hike up into the base of the Himalayas. (see my other blog post) I noticed a lot of residual restlessness and agitation, but overall I had a good "transition back day."

A quick note about posture: Given my recent health troubles, I took a resolve to "Gentle Perseverance" (Thanks, Constance Casey). During this retreat, I probably spent about 1 hour per day sitting, 1 hour per day walking, a couple hours around town and eating meals, etc. And, about 8-10 hours per day meditating in bed lying down (not to mention about 8 hours of sleep each night). A LOT of time in bed. Not very zazen of me, but it seemed to work well, and it didn't seem to impede much on the experiment at all.

Looking back on the whole thing now, I can see the very clear cycle of storms and peace coming and going. But, what's very cool to see is how each cycle was at a much deeper level. Each storm had less content and "stuff" and more root level dukkha (suffering). Each cycle of peace was vastly quieter and more expansive. Overall, I think this is the most conclusive result of my "lab work." Also, as far as results, I'm noticing a lot more joy, peace and contentment... and a LOT of compassion, especially for Tibet. Also, I'm feeling slightly more empowered to actually act on that compassion (less self-judgment about it)

I'm leaving for 50 days of retreat on March 15th, so I'll be back in the lab again soon. What a joy!

Hopefully that didn't put anybody's head into to much of a tail-spin (or head-spin?)

Metta from Mcleod Ganj, and thanks to everyone who has helped contribute to make it possible for me to be here practicing this work.