Retreat at Kelseyville Center - NCVC

I recently sat a course at the new Goenka center in Kelseyville, CA.  It was a wonderful place for a retreat.  It's located about 20 minutes from Harbin Hot Springs, and about 2-3 hours north of San Francisco. 

It's a smaller center than the North Fork center.  The smaller size makes things much easier, logistically.  The line for lunch isn't as long, and it isn't too crowded.  I saw some amazing wildlife: blue-tailed skink, a family of wild turkey, lots of deer, and more.

The walking trails go up the hill behind the meditation hall, so you can get quite a workout going up and down the hill.  It offers a tranquil forest setting, which is great for a break from sitting.  I stayed in a tent at the top of the hill, and the tent spaces were very nice. They were farther from the street, and somewhat secluded.  I loved seeing the stars at night through the mesh ceiling of my tent. 

I don't know what the indoor accommodations were like, but I saw quite a few dorms.  I don't think they have very many single rooms, so be prepared to share your space.  The showers were clean and plentiful. 

I had a great time, and most likely I will be back again.

Long Term Service - FAQ

A number of people have asked me questions about my experience living at the Vipassana center in North Fork, so I wanted to do a follow up to one of my original posts.  I know that it can sometimes be hard to get a hold of anyone at the center to answer your questions (after all, they are all volunteers.)  So, here are my answers.  I will try to update this if I get more questions:

Q: I have sit a couples of course and recently I have been thinking about staying there and serving the the center on a long/short term basis... I would like to know when you are not serving or sitting the course.  Do they have a fixed schedule for you to follow?  Will they allow access to the internet etc during those times or even when you were serving?

A: If you are staying at the center, here are the rules as far as I know.  This is UNOFFICIAL... so I will always defer to whatever they tell you:
1) You have to stay on the five precepts and meditate a minimum of 2 hours per day no matter what. Even if you take a day trip up to Yosemite, there shall be no boozing and fornicating.
2) When serving a course, you are expected to follow the server schedule which includes six hours of work per day and 3 hours of sitting.  If, for some reason you need to sit or rest more and work less, they usually can accommodate that.  Internet use, phone calls, leaving the center, etc. are all discouraged while a course is in progress, but sometimes they will make an exception if you ask and it seems reasonable.
3) Courses generally end on a Sunday morning.  That Sunday is considered the day off.  (Yep, one day off every 2 weeks.)  You still need to meditate 2-3 hours, but otherwise you can do whatever you want: internet, yosemite, skinny dipping in waterfalls, hiking, movies.  One time, a group of servers went to see the latest horror movie which just came out (I declined the invitation.)
4) From Monday until the next course is considered a service period which has it's own rule.  Basically, you will follow a schedule similar to the server schedule (6 hours of work, 3 hours of meditation)  except with a bit more lenience about leaving for day trips or using internet, etc.
5) In general, at no time are you supposed to do anything other than practice dhamma or do dhamma service on center grounds.  So, that means no reading (other than approved dhamma books.) No listening to your ipod, no playing guitar, etc.  If you want, you can just drive down to the end of the driveway and play your guitar by the street for an hour and then return.  Personally, I kind of like this rule, because it really keeps the intention crystal clear about the purpose of the center.
6) One more note: the time after lunch clean up, from 1:00-2:30 is considered break time and it is highly recommended to get in bed and take a nap.  This is great rest, and you will probably need it. If a there is no course going on, it can be a good time for a quick email check, as well.

Q: Anyway, it is great to know that I am not the only one want to live the dream of staying at a center.  It seems a little scary but at least now I know someone else has done it.

A: You are definitely not the only one.  I met dozens of servers staying anywhere from 2 days to 2 years or more.  The scariest part is taking the leap, but actually there is nothing to be afraid of.  It will take some work to return to your householders life after your stay at the center, but Vipassana meditators never shy away from a little work, right?

My Photo in a German Textbook

Here is a photo I took which is now in print across the world in a German textbook.  Cool!

I put the text into google translate, and this is what it said:
What is reborn?
Ajahn Amaro replied:
"To be born again by and large our habits.
In essence, this is it
Whatever the reason, the mind holds, that is born again - what we love, hate, fear, and admire what we have opinions.
Behind our identification with these aspects of the mind lies a driving force.
Attachment is like a flywheel.
Enlightenment is the end of rebirth, which means: perfect non-attachment to all thoughts, feelings, perceptions, bodily sensations and ideas, full non-identification.
So when we speak of it, that we have birth and death behind us, from the end of rebirth, of enlightenment, this is actually the natural constitution of the mind - not to be confused with any internal or external object identified or caught.
Is born from life to life again that in us which is blindly identified with objects.

Cushion Report: Christmas in the Woods

Here's a report from my meditation experiences on my most recent retreat. I'm not sure if I've explained before why I post the details of my inner life on the internet for all to see. So, first let me explain the reasoning and then on to the report.

The thing about meditation that I never understood before I actually did it is that it is real. There is a lot that goes on in the mind that has significant consequences on one's experience of life – much more than most people realize. When I mentioned my retreat to a friend recently, he joked: “My meditation is watching TV.” It was a good joke, and I laughed, but I was also reminded of what I used to think meditation was. I'm not sure what I thought it was, but I didn't understand why anyone prefer such an activity over something as enjoyable as watching TV.

However, the thing about the inner workings of meditation is that no one else knows what's going on if you don't talk about it. It's called the inner world because it is inaccessible to other people without the aid of descriptions and explanations straight from the person's mouth. So, in the spirit of understanding the nature of subjective experience, I like to share my experience and I like to hear about the experiences of others. It may be that someday the inner world is no longer shrouded in mystery and is as well known to humanity as the rest of the natural world.

So, let me begin. My memory is already fading, but I recall that for the first couple of days my mind was settling down significantly. I had a number of sits where I would walk to the hall thinking “I have no idea what's going to happen, and I don't even think I know what to do.” And, then I would sit, and my attention would go the breath, and I would become very very calm. By the end of the sit, I was quite at peace.

This deepening of concentration was a theme at different points through the retreat. At one point, I hit a stage which the mind was so naturally with the breath that it would've taken effort to place the mind elsewhere. The way I would describe it is that applied and sustained effort dropped away and the mind just stayed put. The Buddha talked about “applied and sustained effort,” but I don't know if he meant the same thing as me. I'm using the words just in a literal sense of applying and sustaining effort.

Also worth noting were a few moments interspersed throughout the retreat where thinking really started to drop away. I was quite surprised by such an experience, because it was so different to be aware in a way where thoughts aren't arising. All that was there were sensations, arising and passing. However, these no-thought moments were very brief (like maybe a second). I remembered back to an event that occurred a couple of years ago in which I woke up from a dream to find myself in a very deep thoughtless state of consciousness and this lead to an instant reaction of fear. In that moment, it was a great fear that I didn't exist. So, I take it as a good sign of improvement that I can now access a similar state without any averse reactions.

Turning the mind toward insight, I found my mind being blown quite a few times throughout the retreat. There were many moments of “no way! Whaaa??!,” as I discovered more and more layers of experience which had been shrouded in delusion. I may say that things certainly were not the way I thought they were. Over and over again. Yet, I set my mind to push onward and keep practicing through every precious moment of the retreat.

There were times during which the practice was revealed to me with stunning clarity, and it all seemed so simple. All that was needed was to just remain aware of what's happening right now. It seemed so simple. As attention grew more and more attuned to the direct and ever changing experience of right now, things began to synchronize and settle. As the mind began to cloud again, and things became unknown and confusing, there was faith to keep going just being aware of the moment as it arises and as it passes. And, with time, these chunks of unknown experience would also begin to dissolve and break apart, bringing insight and understanding.

I have often thought of there being a moment in the retreat at which time I can say to myself: “this was worth the money.” Of course, with this retreat, and all Goenka retreats, there is no money to pay, so it is purely a metaphorical expression. What it means to me is that all of the time, effort, and expenses of every kind were worth it for the benefit of the insights I gained here. Usually, I experience this early on in the retreat, and then get several more days of bonus value after that. This high return on investment may explain why I keep going back for more. During this retreat, I remember some profound insights occurred on day 4 that made it all worthwhile for me. I thought to myself, “this was worth the money.” Then, a number of times on the days to come, I got exponentially more out of the retreat than just those piddly first four days.

It is hard to explain what I got, however. The best I can say is that when I have been walking around for years inside a very deeply embedded delusion or illusion, and then all of a sudden it is seen for what it really is.... these can be the kinds of things that could take years, decades or lifetimes to come across without the tool of meditation.

I understand if this is vague and I don't have any more specifics, but I think I can muster a simple example of what I'm talking about by delusion. Let's say there is a thought which says “I want xyz. Therefore, I want to try to get xyz in the future.” This thought may be so deeply embedded into the background of experience that I never notice that it is a thought. Instead, I think that I actually want xyz, and that I'm actually just going to try to get it. This doesn't seem like a thought; it seems like reality. Then, one day on retreat, perhaps I see the thought arise and pass, like a cloud in the sky. It is empty, it is conditioned, it is just a transitory wave across my mind. It has no reality. The thought vibration of this present moment, this is the reality. “Right now there is thinking.” This is the reality, and, in my understanding, this is awakening. It's a marvelous process.

As I neared day 9, my attention became a bit tumultuous and filled again with thoughts of the future. Nonetheless, I kept at the practice until the very last minute of the last meditation hour while on retreat. I continued to break new ground. Even as we began to speak to others I was gaining valuable insights and maturing in my understanding of being human.

Through it all, I still feel a bit dumbfounded and amazed. I feel like such a beginner and so clueless about the whole thing. I am ready to keep going.